Monsters Wanted Bad

on Friday, October 30, 2009

Remember when men were real men, women were real damsels in distress and the monsters were real scary evil monsters. Ah, the good old days. As Halloween rolls by this year, it just isn't the same anymore. It makes a decent horror fan want to shout out; "Where have all the Monsters gone?"

Monsters are meant to lurk in the dark corners of our mind or in the dark basements of our homes from where they go on a rampage of mindless maiming and killing of innocents just because that is what they do and they are good at it. However, these days, our beloved monsters have been given a makeover by the spin doctors of Madison Avenue.

Let's start with Vampires. The two top hottest TV/Movie Vampire franchises at the moment are True Blood and Twilight. In True Blood, a synthetic human blood substitute has been created which means that vampires don't have to suck on a living human anymore and so many Vampires try to mainstream and become like any other normal citizen but they face discrimination, social profiling and prejudices. It is the new civil rights movement; "Equal Rights for the Victimised Vampires." If homosexuals fought to come out of the closet, vampires now fight to come out of the coffin, so to speak. Twilight takes the idea of the harmless vampire even further by introducing the concept of "vegetarian" vampires who choose not to harm humans.
Hmmm. So far from being the scary creature of the night penned by Bram Stoker, vampires it seem are socially disadvantaged, misunderstood and deprived of their rights. Heck, they can even be "vegetarian".

Werewolves or shape shifters were always my most favorite of the evil night creatures. But again, the modern werewolf is less primal beast and more sexy man and puppy dog charms. True Blood's Sam Merlotte changes into a cute puppy dog. Twilight's Jacob is a big hit with the ladies but his wolf persona also seems very much domesticated canine rather than vicious beast.

Sam shaved (L) and unshaved (R)


Jacob's Wolf impression isn't so impressive.


And so it goes. One by one all our favorite monsters have been emasculated and given a metrosexual makeover. Below are some of the taglines that are being used to change the way we view monsters.






DRACULA :- Just a tall, very,very dark and handsome romantic stranger in the night.














Werewolves:- In every man, there is a puppy dog trying to come out.
























Frankenstein's monster:- A victim of a bad plastic surgeon. It could happen to any of you and has happened to many in L.A.

























Witches:- Girls just wanna have fun.













The Squirrel wishes they would leave our monsters alone. Let them be the monsters that scared us in our childhood. Let them be all that they can be. Let them be BAD.

(Squirrel wants to know which is your all time favorite monster. Please take the poll on the side)

18 comments:

Lorac said...

The movie Frankenstein's Monster scared the dickens out of me when I was a kid. Love that misunderstood monster! I did a Halloween post, come on over!

Jo said...

I sometimes think the best monsters are the ones we can't see at all -- the ones that live in our imaginations.

It may sound silly, but sometimes when I climb into bed at night, I wonder if there may be something lurking under my bed. I often get out of bed to check. I have no idea what I expect to find there. Maybe "Kitty" from "Monster's Inc." :-)

secret agent woman said...

I can only say that I'd count the days when women were damsels in distress as the bad old days.

Kathryn said...

Well, this trend started quite a while ago. I've a vague memory of "Caspar the Friendly Ghost."?

Folks seem to want supernatural more - but to pull the teeth on the monsters.

Joyce's Ramblings said...

Lon Chaney as a werewolf is going way back. But in that day he was one of the best. And Frankenstein being chased by the towns people. Peter Lorre and Bela Lugosi were so good. If those films were shown now I wonder how they would be accepted. Nothing digital or computer generated in those films.

Molly said...

I saw one horror movie when I was young and impressionable. [I think it was "The Shaggy Dog"---I must have been really young!] It scared the hell out of me! So, no favourite monsters for me! But I did enjoy your take on their evolution! Happy Haunting!

the walking man said...

Even the monsters have been moved to the arena of political correctness. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Eastcoastdweller said...

I find the concept of the banshee most terrifying -- a ghastly spectre who haunted lonely crossroads by night. I seem to remember learning of this creature from some movie called Darbie O Gill and the Little People, that I watched too early in my childhood.

Owen said...

I think the stories that left the darkest and most lasting impression on me from childhood were those I read in my brother's collection of H.P. Lovecraft's works, starting with The Dunwich Horror... the notion of dark, slimy, ancient things living deep in the earth, but coming out from time to time to terrorize people...

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Lorac,
Did you ever watch the Gene Wilder film "Young Frankenstein"? There is a delightful scene where the monster enters a hut of a blind peasant but instead of the peasant being ripped apart by the monster, it is the monster that is grievously harmed by the blind man when in his blindness he pours hot soup on the monster's lap and not into his bowl. Or when he offers the monster a cigar but lights the monster's finger instead. A quirky but amusing take on the Frankenstein misunderstood monster.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Jo,
I agree totally. Apart from my all time favorite werewolf, the ones that really gives me the scares are the ones that are not seen. Especially shadows on the wall and ethereal apparitions.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

secret agent woman,
I apologise, it was not my intention to sound like a MCP. However, "damsels in distress" is very much one of the hallmarks of the golden age of black and white B-grade horror movies.

Kathryn,
Yes, Casper may have been the start to the slide. I'm just upset that they have de-fanged vampires and werewolves.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Joyce,
Those were all good actors and great movies. Then there were the Hammer movies of the 1960's too. I am even a fan of the campy "Creature from the Black lagoon". It's a lot of fun yelling at the characters on the screen, "look out behind you!".:)

Molly,
I had not heard of the "Shaggy Dog", so I looked it up and it is listed as a comedy where this boy keeps changing into a sheepdog due to some ancient curse at the most inopportune moments. Not really so different what Sam Merlotte changes into in True Blood. Not scary though unless you are very young or scared of dogs.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

The Walking Man,
I read your comment and then realised that the real monsters have all become politicians! Now that's scary.

ECD,
Oh, yes! The Banshee with its awful scream! I agree. That has got to be one of the top ones.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Owen,
H.P. Lovecraft's books are certainly not what I would expect as suitable reading material for kids. My brother did a similar "favour" for me by sneaking me in to see the midnite screening of "The Exorcist".

Meggie said...

We dont, & never have, done Halloween. I so agree with you about Frankenstein's monster though! A great many of them feature on television!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Meggie,
You sure that you don't do Halloween? Cause you sure have a "wicked" sense of humour!

MedStudentWife said...

I the LGS :).. I just love VAmpire - they have been my fav since I was a youngin'

*mwuhhahahahah* :>

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