Double Blast from the Past

on Thursday, November 19, 2009

It is the habit of squirrels to bury nuts in the ground and when they think the nuts have sufficiently "aged", to dig them up again. On this flimsy pretext, I occasionally "dig up" an old post that I feel deserves to see the light of day again. On this particular occasion, I dug up a couple of posts from almost exactly 3 years ago which is soon after I first started blogging. I present the following unburied nuts from November and December 2006.

Cujo - or why I don't like cats

Photo credit: bellasproofs2

Squirrels don’t like cats which I think is obvious. It has to do with the way cats are always trying to catch, kill or maim squirrels. However, even my human alter ego is not fond of cats. The reason for this is ……..Cujo.

In the following story, none of the names have been changed to make sure that the guilty are fully embarrassed. There was a time when I shared a small apartment with this dude, Frank, and his cat, Poney. Poney is your typical calico tabby who had been quite used to being the queen of the house with all her needs taken care off and pampered. This living arrangement worked well until that fateful day when Frank called me into the kitchen to introduce me to this cute kitten he had rescued from the local pound.

He called him some sugary sweet name like Prince or Peaches. I cannot remember what it was caused he was soon dubbed Cujo which suited him so . But wait, I hear you protest! “Cujo is not a cat, but a mad dog.’ Believe me when I say that I have not met a cat or a dog before or since which was more psychotic and deserving of the name, Cujo.

Cujo was a very young kitten, barely a quarter the size of Poney. He had the red, orange and white colors of a tiger and had both a tiger’s ferocity and appetite. He also introduced fleas into the house and despite dousing him in powder, I would be tormented by itchy bites for weeks. Frank was oblivious to this, entranced as he was by Cujo’s playfulness and energy. Poney and I both knew there was something evil about this kitten.

Poney was the first victim. Cujo plotted to get rid of her. Despite Poney’s size, Cujo took to bullying her at meal times. At first, we would feed them both from separate bowls in the kitchen. That did not work as Cujo would chase Poney away and eat both portions. We then tried distracting Cujo by feeding him upstairs and then feeding Poney downstairs in the kitchen. That also failed because Cujo would actually run up and down the stairs to deprive Poney of either. Then, I locked him in my room while Poney fed in peace and I was rewarded by a well sculptured, steaming mass of cat poop on my bed. Poney loss some weight before we found the solution of locking Poney in a kitchen cupboard with her food where Cujo could not get to her. Apart from meals, Cujo continued to persecute Poney, chasing her from all her favourite spots in the house.

Cujo then decided to move up the food chain and targeted me. His campaign started by regular poop bombardments on my bed. After the fifth time, I declared my room a high security area, a cat free zone and made sure my door was closed 24/7. Frank apologized for his kitten's antics but remained bewitched.

One evening, I was in the kitchen and had a frying pan on the stove and I was frying up a batch of my famously delicious Malaysian Fried Rice. I had fried all the spices, onions and vegetables and had just added the rice. I was stirring the mixture to ensure it cooked without burning or sticking to the bottom of the pan. Cujo jumps up on to the dishwasher which is some distance away but at the same level as the stove and from that vantage point shows interest in my culinary efforts. I wave my spatula at him and tried to shoo him but he ignored me. Then, in a flash, he jumped across and into my frying pan!!! To my surprise, Cujo landed with all four evil paws on my fried rice, stood there and began to eat the meal. That was the last straw. I threw away my delicious smelling fried rice which was now marked by Cujo’s paw prints, laced with some of his red hair and I suspected, also fortified with grit from the kitty litter. Defeated, I left Cujo to rule the kitchen while I went out into the cold autumn night to buy my dinner from the Chinese takeaway.

Cujo, probably decided that at this point he was just one step from being the top cat in the house and started to turn his attention on Frank. He started with sudden playful bites on Frank’s ankles. Frank adapted for awhile during which he would walk in a funny high-stepping manner to make his ankles a harder target. Frank liked to lounge around the house in his terry-cloth robe with nothing underneath. This made it a painful experience when Cujo invented the game of jump onto the robe and start climbing with all claws employed. Even then, Frank was stoic and refused to condemn the cute kitty. Cujo then escalated his campaign by leaving poop on Frank’s bed, in his shoes and on the morning newspaper.

One winter evening about 2 months after Cujo entered our lives, I came in from the cold into the warmth of the kitchen. Frank was standing by the dishwasher in his robe, drinking tea and the newspaper. Poney was curled up on a chair. Everything was peaceful. Without looking up from his paper, Frank said, “I went to the pound today and told them I had found this abandoned kitten and I gave them a donation and asked if they could find it a good home.”

Life was sweet after that but I often wonder whether Cujo lives on, tormenting some other poor household. Sends shivers down my spine.

Attention Cat-Lovers

In the interest of Blogging peace, Lone Grey Squirrel, hopes to assure all readers, visitors and cats that he does not really hate cats (just "demon cats" called Cujo).

To demonstrate, his sincerity, Lone Grey Squirrel can be seen here apologising to a representative of cat-kind (but only behind the safety of plate glass window!!!!!).

Photo credit:


Jill said...

Oh, my goodness, what an excellent post!...and what a tolerant roomate you were to put up with that!(that is almost an inhuman level of tolerance...I think it is saintly!) There are a lot of cat-lovers out there, and at risk of incurring their disfavor, I will admit that I don't like cats either, not even the "nice" ones. I'm just not on a cat wavelength.

I have not seen my chipmunk in over a week, and I wonder if the two calico cats that have been prowling my yard lately have had any involvement in that...And I had just gotten to the point of feeding him peanuts from my hand!(which he took very gently and politely with his own little hands). I miss my Chippy!!! Those cats can scram! :D

Lorac said...

Good post. What a nasty little thing. You put up with him longer that I would. You are a saint! I have always had cats and I really enjoy them. I have always had dogs and what ever else the kids brought home! Even I would not put up with a demented cat like that! I feel sorry for the next people to get him! LOL

Anonymous said...

cat lover here, but I agree...Cujo was something else. Sometimes my cats are something else. Especially Gretchen. We have to separate her from Lexi when they eat. At least I'm still queen...and she hasn't pooped on my bed...yet. :)


Yikes!! Cujo! Now that was one scary cat! My goodness did it take a lot to convince your friend that the little kitty was not a good housemate.

But I love the photo at the end. :) How cool is that?!

Owen said...

What a lovely story, full of amazing images, hair-raising ! I personnaly like alot of cats, we have two in fact, but they are not Cujos, they are adorable little furballs who come and sit in our laps when we read, work on the PC, or watch TV...

But some cats, like some humans, (never a squirrel though, your highness) are just plain bonkers, and cat psychologists are few and far between, so they usually go untreated...

Joyce's Ramblings said...

I like cats to but that cat would not be tolerated in my house.

geewits said...

Bad cats really ruin it for all the good cats out there. And I have known plenty of both.

Molly said...

Great story Squirrel! That surely was the cat from hell.......

Molly said...

Great story Squirrel! That surely was the cat from hell.......

jmb said...

I don't like cats either. I have always been a dog person although they chase squirrels too. Sorry about that.

But once I rented a house for three months which came with a demon cat which reinforced my dislike. It was the most handsome Siamese cat but he only liked one kind of food and he was supposed to get it once a day only. When I served the other one for the second meal he often would try to bite me on the leg. Nasty tempered thing. He also brought half dead birds home which did not endear me to him either.

Jo said...

It sounds as if Cujo was a feral cat, and nothing anyone could do was going to tame him. He was the "alpha" cat and I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did. He would have been one sorry cat if he had jumped on my fried rice. :-)

I am not crazy about cats, but I am rather partial to cute little squirrels.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I sure hope Chippy is okay. He is rather a cute little moocher. As to being a tolerant room-mate? Well, I could afford my share of the rent which was a rare thing to find ( I was a penniless student at that time).

Thank you but I don't really want to be known as the Saint of demon cats! :)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Could pooping on beds be a male cat thing? Poney never pooped on my bed.

The picture is proof that squirrels are agents for world peace and all rumours that we are plotting to enslave the world are false.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

My room-mate never brought back a demon kitten again but he did bring back an abused dog later which was also in clear need of psychiatric help. This dog brings to mind another horror movie called "Misery".

To keep that cat out of your house, use holy water liberally and as a precaution, surround yourself with garlic.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I guess my experience with cats close up is quite limited. Let's see. There's Poney who is the normal aloof cat who sits on your lap only when the weather is cold and it wants to warm up and then there is Cujo. It may have colored my view of cats somewhat.

Thanks. It was an evil cat. I shudder to think what it was up to when it padded silently through the house when we were asleep. Catching mice? I think NOT.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Your avatar picture says it all! :)

Cat in fried rice was rumoured to have been served in old Chinese Take-aways in the 1980's but surely those were just urban legends?

Anonymous said...

not sure, LGS, if it is because he was a male cat. male cats are worse about that. I haven't had too many over my lifetime. Only one I remember my mom really complaining about. The other two were outdoors most of the time.

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