The Ninja Squirrel

If Spikey, our cute "average joe" grey squirrel, is this story's protagonist, then the Ninja Squirrel is his worthy nemesis. The villian of our tale is appropriately black following the style of traditional storytelling in the movies before the advent of political correctness. Black is also the traditional color of the ninja tradition as well.

Squirrels in training to take over the world!!! They are coming to a bird feeder near you.


Now many readers may be aware that squirrels are renowned for their ability to raid bird feeders and even vending machines relying on their agility, skill and intellegence . They have been filmed successfully negotiating obstacle courses to get to their target, which for squirrels always involves food. However, our Ninja Squirrel was a league a part.


He stood a couple of inches higher than Spikey. We called the Ninja Squirrel, Speedy, on account of his lightning moves. He would bully Spikey. Whenever, Speedy appeared, Spikey would have to concede and abandon the spoils of his begging to Speedy. It was always pitiful to watch Spikey peek out of the bushes to which he had retired and watch Speedy greedily demolish the pile of nuts that he had worked hard to obtain. Spikey did try to stand his ground a couple of times but it always ended with him being chased up a tree with some fur left behind in haste.

Poor Spikey was completely outmatched by his bigger, badder and faster opponent. Nevertheless, over the next two years, we would witness a few occassions when Spikey used brains to overcome brawn. Something that gives me much encouragement in my own life's battles, being somewhat shortchanged in the brawn department as well.


Speedy first appeared late during that first squirrel autumn that I experienced but it was only in the following spring would I get to see that very special image that is now etched into my memory. One fine day in spring, I looked out of my basement window and saw that Speedy was helping himself to the nuts that I had placed on my very own garden rockwith a small hollow which was ideal for squirrel feeding. Just then, some black birds landed nearby and started for the nuts too. Speedy would have none of that. He stood up to his full height but even then he was shorter than the approaching bird. Irregardless, he started swinging, lefts and rights. The startled birds flew off in panic, leaving feathers in their wake.


The image that I recall as clear as the day I saw it, was the rippling muscles on Speedy's shoulder and back as he let loose on the birds. Those were muscles worth of any championship muscle builder. At that time, the closest comparison I could conjure up was that of Master Splinter, the Ninja Rat Sinseh of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (remember them? Used to be more popular with kids than Santa Claus). Today, I believe my black Ninja Squirrel could have stood in for Neo during those slo-mo fight sequences in The Matrix. All he really needed to complete the look was a long black coat and cool, dark glasses.