Political Cows

on Wednesday, November 05, 2008

On this night, many will be watching the news and following the results of the U.S. Presidential elections as they come in state by state. Obama or McCain? Democrat or Republican? Black or White? Change or Experience? Left or Right? Socialist or Conservative? More taxes or less taxes?

Well, in my opinion, politics is all bull and hot air. Nevertheless, as a public service, the Realm of the Lone Grey Squirrel is posting a simple and well known explanation of the politics and economic systems as explained by cows. Maybe this will help the undecided voters to make their final choice.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows; you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. You hold an election to chose someone to decide how much milk will be taken and who should get the milk.

RELIGIOUS FANATICISM: You have two cows. You cannot get the milk as you are not allowed to touch their private parts.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are both mad.


MedStudentWife said...

roflmao !!!

Maybe the IMF needs to look at this.

VioletSky said...

Well, that explains everything. I'm off for my harmonica lessons.

Joyce's Ramblings said...

Ouch! Not quite sure how to comment.

Molly said...

I loved this! It puts things back in perspective. We need to lighten up. Everyone is getting too worked up about the whole thing. People are falling out with people who used to be their friends....Isn't diversity [of opinion, as well as everything else] what makes the world go 'round?

Sincerity said...

Hilarious! I love your attitude Mr. Grey Squirrel! :)

geewits said...

I can't stop laughing about the Italian one. heh heh heh

mhr said...

Brilliant piece of political analysis :)

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

Good one, LGS, well observed :)))

kat said...

funny funny funny

and glad to see you back!

Marja said...

I know this one It's quite funny.
About the elections. I am very happy with the outcome. I think Obama is a great man and have good hopes for the future. I think it effects us all.

Daniel De Leon said...

Hahahaha!!! I'm was laughing so HARD it hurt. Seriously. Great stuff Mr. Grey Squirrel! Good, pretty accurate, and putting me in stitches -the way I like it.

Oh and Obama can eat my cow-pies and then roll over and fertilize the grassy patches they eat! :) Hehe!

Gledwood said...

quite right!!

Janice Thomson said...

Brilliant analysis LGS and so hilarious!

Dr.John said...

Now that was the best explanation I have read.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Dear friends,
I just wish to clarify that the cow analysis is not my original material. Credit goes to Anonymous and it has been posted before on the web. I did embellish it a little but all praises should go to Anonymous who by the way is a prolific writer. He signs off on a lot of material on the internet!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

IMF? They lend you cows to bide you over when your cows are sick but after that they own all your cows.

To help you with your harmonica lessons, the government will supply you with free roller blades.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Hmmmmmm. Whatever did she mean by this comment! :)

I have to say that Obama's acceptance speech went a long way in helping to re-unite everyone in USA and even hope for reconciliation around the world. A hopeful choice for President.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I am a socialist. I don't know how to milk a cow but I believe everyone has a basic right to milk.

Do you have Italian ties?

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Am ever so happy to receive a comment from you as a sign that you are still coming by. Not my original material but glad you liked it.

Good to hear from you. Congratulations on the election of your candidate!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Hope you are well. I agree with you on Obama. Still, he now has some tough expectations to fulfill.

Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. Hope you will be a regular visitor. Again thanks for the kid words but it was mostly not my original material on this post.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I wonder what society truths could be represented by gerbils and hamsters..or even squirrels?

Thanks but honors goes to my prolific friend, Mr. Anonymous.

Dr. John,
Thanks. Simplicity where they try to confuse with complexity.

geewits said...

I didn't think Italians wore ties!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Haha! Very funny! Okay, let me rephrase that. "Are any of your ancestors of Italian origin?"

On a limb with Claudia said...

This is so funny. I love how simple it explains the complicated and ridiculous.


Jo said...

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION: You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

squirrelmama said...

In keeping with the theme of politics and cows, LGS, let us not forget that most elected officials have become very practiced at MILKING the system for all it's worth!

Sue said...

The Australian's have my vote.

Visiting through Dr. John's links.

heiresschild said...

this is so funny. good analogies.

patterns of ink said...

Got caught up on some reading here tonight. Sorry it's been so long.
Always interesting to get your perspective on things.

MedStudentWife said...

Good one Jo;)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I need simple explanations for my small brain.

Could it be that you are a bigger cynic than me? :)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

yes, indeed. The political fatcats.

Welcome to my crazy little blog. Do come by and stop being a stranger.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

hope you are well. I haven't been around much as I tried to stay out of the recent focus on politics on many blogs.

So which cow system appeals to you?

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