Have An Ox-picious Year

on Sunday, January 25, 2009

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!!



The Lone Grey Squirrel is upset that the Chinese Zodiac does not include, well, squirrels. However, he will not dwell on this glaring oversight because that is just the graciousness you would come to expect from the Squirrel. Instead, he will make predictions for the coming years at the expense of all the other animals. Without further ado, here are Squirrel Sifu's predictions.

2009 (Ox) - Normally, one would be tempted to say that during the Year of the Ox, we might expect that there will be a Bull Run on the stock Exchange. However, given the global economic depression, it would not be wise to predict such a thing. So instead, perhaps it is sufficient to say that this will be an Ox-picious year, if for nothing else but as the start of President Obama's period in Ox-fice.

2010 (Tiger) - This will be a great year cause it is my year and I have waited a long 12 years for it to come round again. Obviously, it will be a TIGER-rific year. It will be a good year to organise parties and large social events as everyone will have a roaring good time.

2011 (Rabbit) - The wild socialising of the previous year will lead to a huge baby boom this year which is most appropriate for the Year of the Rabbit. On the economic front, some Hare-Brained investment schemes will leave many people hopping mad.

2012 (Dragon) - Further economic problems lead to draconian belt-tightening measures. On the romance front, ladies frequenting nightclubs and bars must be especially careful of lounge lizards who tend to be particularly active this year.

2013 (Snake) - Obviously, this is a year to be careful of snake-oil salesmen with forked tongues. The best way to survive this year is to keep low to the ground.

2014 (Horse) - The economy will have finally turned the corner and the stock market will gallop to new highs. However in the rush and euphoria, try to make sure you are not trampled in the stampede. Ladies, this is a good year for Mare-trimony; so start lasso-ing and corralling your stallions.

2015 (Sheep) - Another good year with the economy charging ahead but the Government will raise taxes to fleece the new found wealth of the nouveau rich. Beware of a greater chance of locking horns with family members and its ram-ifications. A good year for insomniacs (think about it or rather, count on it).

2016 (Monkey) - After two terms under President Obama, the political mood swings and unfortunately a monkey is returned as President. In world news, U.N. observers will declare that there was wide-spread monkey business during elections in a South American banana republic.

2017 (Rooster) - A good year to increase your brood. For many, this year will be a wake-up call to the hardships caused by global Warming. Erratic weather make it difficult for farmers to scratch a living. If you work hard though, you'll have something to crow about before the end of the year.

2018 (Dog) - It will be a tough bitch of a year as businesses fight over a smaller pie. A prominent politician will be dogged by allegations of corruption and the FBI will eventually collar him.

2019 (Pig) - Good times come rolling in but once again the political porkers will dip into the national trough. Health issues arise from excessive pigging out by the masses.

2020 (Rat) - We come full cycle to my cousin the Rat and so does the economy. How bad will it be? Let's just say that you can see the rats as they abandon the sinking corporate ships. Do not share secrets with colleagues this year. Unfortunately, they will rat on you.

All these predictions are given free and so there is no guarantee given that they will come true. For more detailed and accurate personal predictions, contact the Squirrel at squirrelseesall.com. The more you pay, the more accurate the predictions. This is called the Gross Prophet Margin.

31 comments:

Joyce's Ramblings said...

What predictions you make! I make one only and it is this-Hang on to your faith and friends because there is going to be hard times ahead!

Molly said...

A sense of humour is one of the best weapons in tough times.... I'm delighted to see you are well armed!

kat said...

Thanks for the reminder!

Happy New Year to You!

cabcree said...

you crack me up!

Jazz said...

Brilliant!

That's all.

Janice Thomson said...

What a writer you are LGS - such talent! This was great. And coincidentally I'm posting the Chinese zodiac on my art blog over the next few weeks :).

squirrelmama said...

LGS, I am wishing you an OX-picious year as well and hasten to note that the Year of the Rat does include the Year of the Squirrel because it is, broadly defined, the Year of the Rodent (and we both know that, in a sense, every year is the year of the rodent!)
Being born in the Year of the Horse, it be-HOOVES me to send holiday greetings and good thoughts for the months ahead!

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

Lol!

mago said...

A happy and successful New Year to You and all Yours!

citizen of the world said...

That's very punny.

Happy New Year to you!

geewits said...

Isn't it supposed to be a lucky year for you if you are born in that year? I'm an ox and I could certainly use a lucky year.

Marja said...

I am an ox together with Obama so this is going to be a great year. So you just wait your turn LGS
Cheers to the oxes

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Joyce,
Too true. May we all help each other through these tough times.

Molly,
Thanks. Humour is also the best medication. I just happen to be heavily drugged.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Kat,
Thank you. Have a great year too.

Cabcree,
May your cracks heal nicely.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

jazz,
You know, the story goes that the animals had to race including crossing a large river in order to have the privilege to be included in the zodiac. I would have thought that a frog would have done well with crossing the river!

Janice,
Thanks. Always very kind with your words.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

squirrelmama,
I did mention that squirrels are related to rats when I did my new year post last year but rats do not share things well.

kimber,
:)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Mago,
Many thanks friend. May the Ox also be your friend this year.

cz,
Thank you. I was trying for punny.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

geewits,
I do believe the more official version does say that for the hard working Ox, it will indeed be a good year.

Marja,
Okay, okay. You can have this year but I am gonna claim next year.

Dr.John said...

Now that was funny.

geewits said...

What about the lazy ox? :)

oksecretsquirrel said...

Love the predictions!! Oh and i'm with you buddy! Squirrels should have been included... **sigh**

the walking man said...

What! I have to wait until 2014 to recoup some of my losses...he he hehe

have a productive Ox year, for a squirrel, you are a behemoth.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Dr. John,
Thanks. Hope it brings some smile for a gloomy year.

geewits,
Hopefully the lazy ox couldn't care less.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

squirrel,
I am so glad that you have already had a great start to the year. May it continue to bring you blessings.

Mark,
To tell you the truth, without my glasses, I can't even see 10 feet in front of me. So I wouldn't put much weight on my "foresight". Hope you recoup your losses sooner. :)

XUP said...

So much to look forward to! Eeek.

On a limb with Claudia said...

You are hilarious. I'm a water hare - I'm still not sure what the Ox has in store for me.

Happy New Year!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Xup,
Yes, so much and maybe even one or two may come true.....sort of.

Claudia,
I predict that you will have a book published!

MedStudentWife said...

Happy belated New Year my dear squirrel friend.!!! :D

My favorite year is the year of the rabbit, cause I love rabbits & I was born in said year.

And now I wait & see if the all the grey wiskered LGS preedictiones come to fruitiones (apples, grapes....)*lol* :D

(any idea how I can wish HNY to my new Vietnamese neighbors ? They are the newest embassy turn arounds)

tsduff said...

Although I think rats are very smart and interesting, they are not the Chinese New Year I would have chosen to be born under (simply because of their unclean/unhealthy connotation). Not really sure what year I would prefer... I just want good luck :)

Happy New Year Lone Grey Squirrel. You rock.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

msw,
It is a little known fact that Vietnamese are actually ardent nudists. Yes, so rapping "Happy New Year" while doing a tap dance in the nude would be my considered recommendation. Now please excuse me while I give advice to President Obama.

tsduff,
Have a great year. You deserve it.

Eastcoastdweller said...

Punning is an addiction.You find yourself endlessly scanning the sentences of others, seeking out amidst their prose your verbal drug for manipulation.

And of course, one's own words are always and deliberately rich in double entendres and punnability, to the endless infuriation of those sad and sorry folk, pun-haters.

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