New Sports for the Olympic Games

Did you ever wonder what were the original events at the Olympic Games way back in 776 BC? Well, through the wonders of Wikipedia, we can tell you that there were several footraces ranging from their equivalent to the 100 m sprint all the way to their version of the marathon; boxing, wrestling, full contact martial arts, pentathlon, javelin, discus and long jump. There was even something called the hoplitodromos which was basically a race while in full battle gear.

It doesn't take much to realise that these games were in fact a means of showing off the military skills and prowess of the participating Greek states. During those times of war, the skills displayed by the athletes in the Olympic Games have really to do with skills needed to survive their daily lives.

That, of course, led this squirrel to think that it is about time that the current modern Olympic Games become more relevant to the daily lives of people everywhere. Some sports should surely be dropped. What practical use, for example, is "synchronised swimming" to the modern world citizen? Equestrian sports may have made sense during the time of the cowboys and injuns or the romantic Calvary period of warfare but today what is the relevance when even the U.S. Calvary divisions have long since replaced their horses with tanks. These irrelevant sports should be dropped.

I would like to suggest some new sports that better reflect skills valued in modern living today.

Take the high jump event, how has this skill been useful since the Berlin Wall was torn down? Instead, I recommend it to be replaced by the "Queue Jumping" event. This skills in this event is something almost all of us need on a daily basis as the increasingly fast pace of modern life has made this a necessity. Lining up docilely in queues at places like the post office or the cinema is something that has disappeared with the Victorian Age. I think little old ladies with walking sticks or umbrellas and who aren't afraid to use them would be Olympic Champions in this event.

Weightlifting has events called "snatch", "jerk" and similar. But really with the advent of robots and machines to do the heavy work, how relevant is heavy weight lifting anymore? Instead, the "Snatch and run" event would be a modern favorite, showcasing the skills needed by the modern snatch thief. Each athlete would have a short distance in which they must pick up speed and successfully snatch a purse from a pedestrian and then run to the finish line. It also has the advantage of taking these criminals off the streets and giving them a lucrative career as an athlete.

Javelin throwing is so passe. How many of us still defend our property or fight wars with spears? In fact, in this age of enlightened diplomacy and politics, it is not politically correct for us to have sports based on war activities. So, javelin throwing should be removed and replaced by the modern equivalent of "Mudslinging". Hilary Clinton may have lost the race for the Democrat Presidential Nomination but she would be a winner of this Olympic event.

Finally, too many Olympic Games of late have been stained by drug use scandals. The words of the wise say, "If you can't beat them, join them." Hence, the new Olympic events of "Drug Running" and "Dope Peddling".

If you agree with me, please write to the International Olympic Committee and ask for these new sports to be included in time for the London Olympics in 2012.