Basic Squirrel 101

Today, a work colleague came up to ask me to identify a squirrel. He said that he heard that I was into squirrels. I was taken aback. Evidently my secret identity as the Lone Grey Squirrel was not so secret after all and someone has made the connection between my internet alter ego and my real identity. Hmmmm. In hindsight, I'm so glad I decided against posting up the photo of me dressed as a squirrel wearing only a red underwear and a cape. Those things have a way of coming back to haunt you.

The other reason I was taken aback was that I did not know the answer! Shock horror! Anyway, I did a little research but I think I now know the answer. Apparently, he took a photograph of a squirrel which he thought was a plantain squirrel (which is common in these parts) but whereas the plantain squirrel was marked, this was not marked. His question was what squirrel looks like an unmarked plantain squirrel.

THE ANSWER: PLANTAIN vs PLAIN
The Plantain Squirrel has a grey body and a light brown belly with a white and a black stripe between the two. The plain Slender Squirrel is slightly smaller has a grey body and a pale belly and no markings.

The Plantain Squirrel

The Slender Squirrel

Anyway, since there has been a lot of interest on squirrels lately from readers and visitors to this blog, I have decided to provide a basic introduction to the world of squirrels or Squirrel 101.

SQUIRREL 101:
There are 365 species of squirrel (one for each day of the year!) which belong to seven families. They can be roughly divided into tree squirrels, ground squirrels and flying squirrels. Grey squirrels are tree squirrels and the only group worth discussing further. Ground squirrels may be cute clowns but basically they have become confused between burying nuts in the ground and burying themselves in the ground. On the other hand, flying squirrels are just a bunch of self-absorbed show-offs. So we will now just concentrate on Tree Squirrels.

Tree Squirrels can also be divided into several main groups.

Grey Squirrels
Originally from North America (ranging from the Deep South and all the way to Canada), the grey squirrel has made its way to U.K. and even Italy where they are out competing the local squirrels due to their strong work ethic and cuteness. Grey Squirrels are the liberals and moderates of the squirrel world. Grey squirrels mantra is that "There is no black or white. Instead much of life is grey". Grey squirrels really range from pepper and salt color, all the way to melanistic black. The paler squirrels are in the Deep South while most of the black squirrels are in Canada. The reason for this is unclear but some say that this is due to the large number of black slave squirrels that were smuggled to freedom in Canada by the Underground Railway in the 19th century.

Red Squirrels
Red Squirrels are found in many parts of the world but the populations of major importance are found in Europe. The European Reds are basically protectionists, left wing, communist unionists who are always protesting about the more hard working Greys!

British Reds have similar political positions but they are better characterised by other major characteristics. Specifically, English Reds are basically soccer fans. Some support the "Reds" (i.e. Liverpool) while others support the "Red Devils" (i.e. Manchester United).

Scottish Reds instead are more concerned with Scottish independence being as they are the proud descendents of the original red-haired Pict squirrels, begorrah. These squirrels were never defeated by the Roman Legions!

Non-Aligned Squirrels
The remaining world squirrels can basically non-aligned, apolitical, third world, hard working squirrels with low carbon pawprints. They are just happy to be left alone and undisturbed.

Disclaimer: No squirrels were injured in this parody. The only thing hurt was the truth.

Phasers on Kill

I am a big fan of Star Trek, especially the original series with James Tiberius Kirk, Spock and the rest of the first USS Enterprise crew. In honor of the new movie representing this time period and story line, I thought it would be fun to see which Star Trek character would I be as according to this deviously designed personality quiz.

Readers would have probably noticed from my recent posts that I was going through one of periodic funks when I despair for the human race. I thought that doing this quiz would be a pick-me-up but I was wrong as I turned out to be..........expendable.


Your results:
You are An Expendable Character (Redshirt)

An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 80% Spock 77% Deanna Troi 75% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 65% Geordi LaForge 60% Uhura 50% Beverly Crusher 50% Jean-Luc Picard 45% Will Riker 45% Data 37% James T. Kirk (Captain) 35% Chekov 35% Mr. Scott 30% Mr. Sulu 30% Worf 30%

Since your accomplishments are seldom noticed, and you are rarely thought of, you are expendable. That doesn't mean your job isn't important but if you were in Star Trek you would be killed off in the first episode you appeared in.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz

In hindsight, I should have not been surprised at my rather poor result on this quiz. In fact I have never done well in these internet character quizzes or name generators as you can see here.

Big News

I SHALL BE MAKING A NUISANCE OF MYSELF IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY FOR THE COMING WEEK!

I don't know if I will be able to blog in between all my re-decoration work while evading missiles and fighter planes. So the Realm of the Lone Grey Squirrel will regretably be entering a communication dark zone. See you at the other end of the dark zone at the coming weekend.

In the meantime, stay well and .......stay away from giant squirrels.

Ciao baby.

Valentine Love Clinic

How are you all? It's hard to believe that it has been one year since the squirrel asked me, Aikenvoodoo-U Cassanova Lovelace the Great Witch Doctor, to give advice to lovers. Valentine's Day has come round again and some of you may do something foolishly romantic and one thing leads to another and before long, marriage is being considered. This is not good. Too many marriages fail today because people are not ready for it or have unrealistic expectations. To help you decide whether you are ready for even a serious relationship, I have prepared a few questions. I hope it will be helpful.

QUESTIONS FOR MEN

Are you a man?

If your answer was “No” or “Not sure”, there really isn’t much point in discussing this further. If your answer was “Yes”, I would ask to see proof. You see, you are not a man unless you have gone through a rite of passage into manhood. For example, in my village, a young boy would be expected to go out into the wilderness for one week by himself, find a lion to fight with and bring back a handful of hair from the lion’s mane. That handful of lion’s hair woven into a bracelet was proof of our manhood; our certificate and license to marry.

What is your proof of manhood? Of course, I understand that you wimpy city dwellers do not have access to many lions but there must be something that you can do to prove your bravery and strength. Canadians do it by playing ice hockey and their toothless grin is their proof of manhood. If sports is not your thing, going on a holiday with your future mother-in-law is quite close to tangling with lions.

Do you own livestock?

Women like to know that their man can provide financial security. If your answer is “No” then you are not ready for marriage. If you have not even prepared ahead for your dowry, you clearly have not planned for your financial future. My last wife’s dowry cost me 6 cows, 2 goats and 8 chickens which is pretty much the going rate these days. Livestock remains important even in the Western world except that it is represented slightly differently. Believe me, women are more likely to say “yes” to you if you own a 600 horsepower Ferrari rather than a 200 horsepower family van.

What is eix = cos x + i sin x?

If you can’t even understand this simple equation how are you going to understand women. They are far more complex. You are not ready for a relationship with a woman.

QUESTIONS FOR WOMEN

Have you ever had a pet?

If you have never taken care of a pet, then you are not yet ready for marriage. Having a pet (preferably a dog) prepares you to cope with a demanding, whiny and dependent individual. You do know that majority of the bachelors out there are not even house trained, don’t you?

Do you believe that you can change your man into Prince Charming?

If you said “No”, you are entering into marriage with your eyes open. You are a realist and know what you are getting into. If you said “Yes”, then you are about to learn that the frog that you kissed and turned into Prince Charming will soon turn back to a toad after marriage. Men are animals. Get used to it.

What is eix = cos x + i sin x?

If you understand this, you are way too intelligent. Men will feel threatened. You can continue your career as a rocket scientist but at home with your husband you need to speak like Jessica Simpson’s Daisy Duke in the Duke of Hazzard. It’s not difficult; just practice.

Field Report on Manglish

"Perfessor Squirrel McNutts"
Foremost Field Anthropologist
Dear readers,
At almost no cost whatsoever, the Realm of the lone Grey Squirrel has managed to get world famous field anthropologist, "Perfessor" Squirrel McNutts, to send us his latest report from the field. "Perfessor" has just completed an extensive two day study of Malaysians. Here is his cutting edge report:-


Hello there. This is McNutts here, reporting in after a strenuous two full days in the jungles of Malaysia where I am studying that enigmatic human tribe called a Malaysian.

I have been paying particular attention to the sounds that they make. As you know squirrels all round the world speak a common language called "Chitterese", which is why world domination of the world by squirrels is just a matter of time. Humans, on the other hand seem to have developed a whole set of different "languages".

At first, the Malaysian human seemed to communicate through a series of rapid grunts and whistles but when you record it and then slow it down and play it backwards, it then sounds like some form of perverted English. Previous explorers have called it "Manglish". However, today, there is even a debate about the origin of the word "Manglish". Was it, as some believe, merely a contraction of the words "Malaysian" and "English"? Or could it be, as I believe, meant to describe how the English language had been mangled.

You decide. I have included a transcript of a recording made during this current expedition as well as my best translation into modern English.

Transcript:-
Subject 1: "Hey you guys doing what?"
Subject 2: "Nut'in, brudder. We lepak only-lah."
Subject 1: "The new James Bond movie is on now. You wanna see or not. I hear it is damn
shiok!"
Subject 3: "I wanted to go yesterday but no member-lah."
Subject 1: "Jom. I'll go buy tickets for the evening show."
Subject 3: "Can call the Tan sisters or not?"
Subject 1: "Why-ah?"
Subject 2: "Aiyoo! He like Jane Tan-lah! he is like basket case around her."
Subject 1: "Sure or not? Which one is Jane Tan-ah?"
Subject 2: "She's that small chilli padi in our English class."
Subject 1: "What-lah, man! That one already got boyfriend-mah."
Subject 2: "I already said. Some more, the boyfriend very jealous one and is a Jinjang Joe."
Subject 1: "Ya-lah! Don't play-play. There are lots more fish."
Subject 3: "Ooi, you guys don't give me problem-lah. Relaks, brudders. It's one movie only
what."
Subject 1: "Wah, like that all of us die-lah."


Traslation:-
Subject 1: "Hello, my dear fellows. May I enquire as to what you are doing at this moment?"
Subject 2: "We are doing nothing in particular, my friend. We are just hanging out together."
Subject 1: "In that case, would you both like to go to see the new James Bond movie which is
currently showing in the cinemas. I hear that it is fantastic."
Subject 3: "I had wanted to go yesterday but could not find any one to accompany me."
Subject 1: "Come on, then. I will buy tickets for us for the evening screening."
Subject 3: "Say, can we also invite the Tan sisters to join us?"
Subject 1: "Whatever for?"
Subject 2: "He is smitten with Jane Tan, that's why. He acts like a total imbecile whenever she is
around. "
Subject 1: "Is that really true? Who is this Jane Tan anyway?"
Subject 2: "She's that small and feisty girl in our English class."
Subject 1: "Good Heavens, man! She already has a boyfriend."
Subject 2: "I have already warned him that the boyfriend is the jealous type and that he is a real
thug."
Subject 1: "Exactly! Not someone to be trifled with or taken lightly. Besides, there are many
more attractive girls out there."
Subject 3: "I would appreciate it if you both drop this matter, get off my case and just calm
down. After all, I am only talking about asking her out for just one movie."
Subject 1: "You are going to get us all in to trouble."

Advice from Doctor Love

Dear readers, it seems like that commercially exploited and artificially fabricated day to celebrate romance is just a few sunsets away. I refer of course to the over-esteemed Valentine's Day. When this inquisitive squirrel tried to research the origins of Valentine's Day and its connection to romance, the trail was confusing and obscure.

One theory was that St. Valentine married Roman soldiers and their girlfriends in contradiction to the Emperor's order that his soldiers remain single. One other story speak of a pagan ritual to ensure fertility and to allow boys to chose their wives by ballot. Hardly romantic by today's standard but may be the start of the Valentine's Days traditions.

The history of Valentine's Day cards are however extensively documented but not really interesting other than it proves that much of our lives is under the control of marketing and PR executives.

Ah, but even this grumpy old squirrel must admit that at this time of the year (spring, that is. I am not sure how this works for you folks in the southern hemisphere), young hearts seem to naturally turn to thoughts of love. Last year, I tried to give some good advice about love and was rewarded by one sympathetic comment in which the writer offered his condolences for my sad status as the "lone" grey squirrel. Well, I am actually happily married.....thank you very much!

Nevertheless, this year I have spared no expense (except my special stash of 2005 walnuts....it was a good year) to bring you advice from a professional. I know him as Bob but he is also known as Dr. Love by his people. Enjoy and be enlightened. Squirrel out.





















Greetings readers! My name is Aikenvoodoo-U Cassanova Lovelace the Great. I am the great witch doctor from deepest and darkest Namibia. I have served the love needs of my people for many years. My voodoo doll and toothpick treatment is so much more effective than Viagra.

My friend, the grey squirrel, asked me to give you some advice about romance for Valentine's Day. It was wise of the squirrel to get professional help when some issues are beyond his small brain.

In case you think that a traditional witch doctor knows little about love in the modern world, I must tell you that I am married to a British woman. I still remember the first time I went to U.K. with my wife after our marriage. Her mother was there at the airport to greet us. My wife told me her mother was not enthusiastic about the fact that I am a Witch Doctor but when she saw me for the first time, she said to my wife, "I said to marry a rich doctor. A RICH doctor!" I do not like to boast but I have 12 cattle and 20 goats. I am the richest man in my village. Love you too, mumsy-in-law.

But I digress. Advice for Valentine's Day follows.

1. Chocolates: -
Many of you palefaces seem to think that chocolates is a good thing to give to your girlfriend. No! This is big mistake. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine or PEA which is a powerful love chemical. This is the chemical that stimulates the pleasure centres of the mesolimbic region in the brain and it peaks during orgasm. Therefore, it is not surprising that 50% of women say they prefer chocolate than sex and most women find dark chocolate more satisfying than passionate kissing. So, if you give chocolates to your girl, she will take them, say thank you very much and have fun without you. Before you know it, you will be as a "lone" as the grey squirrel.

2. Flowers:-
This may seem to be a great thing to give your girl. For reasons, even I do not know, the women like this. However, you must first check which flower is suitable. I am not saying whether she likes the flower but more importantly does she have hay fever or allergies to the flowers. Flowers have pollen and many people are allergic to pollen.

Imagine this. You give her flowers. She smiles and puts the flowers next to her nose and breathes in deeply to enjoy the smell. She says thank you but before she can even kiss you, she starts sneezing, her eyes turn red, snot dribbles out of her nose and her lips swell until they look like sausages. Hmmmmm. Not a pretty sight except for the sausages.

To avoid this, you could try a skin sensitivity test. This involves scratching the skin and testing the pollen samples on different spots along the arm. This will help you rule out the offensive flowers as those spots will swell and become itchy. You might think it would be difficult to get your girl to voluntarily go through this but use your cunning. For me, I tell them I am using acupuncture to make them more beautiful but then I am a licensed witch doctor.

3. Diamonds:-
Maybe this year is going to be that special year that you want to propose to your girl and you are thinking about a diamond ring to seal the bond. You have been brainwashed by phrases like "Diamonds are forever" and "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

Diamonds are forever what? More than likely, they are forever a debt you have to pay off. They are ridiculously priced for tiny stones. I tell you what is forever, .....toxic waste! I don't see anyone paying top dollar to wear that!

Diamonds are a girl's friend when you think about it is not a good reason to get her any when what you want is to be her best friend. Diamonds are just a competing distraction.

I suggest that you get her coal. Yes, coal. Coal is chemically the same substance as diamonds. They are both made out of carbon atoms. However for the money spent to buy a tiny speck of a diamond, you can get lorry loads of coal........now that's value for money and coal is so useful, you can use it for cooking, cleaning water, and removing poisonous gases amongst other things. Women in my village do not understand this when I explain it to them but do not worry, your women are well educated. They can understand the logic of these truths.

4. Smile
I think in the end what I am trying to say is that do not put your trust in presents. These are not the things that women look for. No, they look for a sincere heart. And nothing shows them a sincere heart than an honest, cute and sexy smile. So work on your charm and your smile. Practice in front of the mirror, practice with your dog, practice, practice, practice. I am telling you the truth. Look at my charming smile. It has won me the hearts of many women. It may not come as naturally to you but do not give up.

5. Love potion
If you are a real loser and nothing else works, you can always fall back on magic. I have my own special potion called Love potion No: 9. It will only cost you most of everything you own but it will be worth it. Email me at suckersrwelcome@richwitchdoctor.com and we can talk business.

Not Surprised

I saw this at odat's and the result was SO me that I had to share. (just read "squirrel" instead of "wabbit").
It is also one of my favorite books.

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Hero Career Guidance

As of midnight (GST – Grey Squirrel Time), the polls were closed with only 24 votes cast. The first obvious question was why the poor voter turn out. Where have all the Heroes and hero-wannabes gone! Are we turning into a society that are missing its heroes? Ah, this may be too deep to be getting into in the wee hours of the morning.

The clear winning category was for “Humanitarian Heroes”. Clearly 33% of the readers of this blog are bleeding heart Liberals. meggie, geewits, evalinn, cheryl and becky, I am so proud of you guys. You believe in sacrificing for the greater good. It’s because of people like you that I still have hope for the world. I was tempted to join your ranks but I made a list of my modest possessions and found that I was barely willing to sacrifice one-tenth of my possessions for the good of other people. So as you set off on your humanitarian missions, you’ll find me waving banners, cheering and giving you moral support and don’t worry, I’ll feed your cats while you are away. I am right behind you,.....way behind..... back home.

From one end to the other, nobody wanted to be a military or sports hero. How strange. Then who’s been watching the war programs on the History and Discovery Channels? And who’s been glued to the TV for the NBA finals, Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, F1 racing, Wimbeldon etc.? I am not ashamed. I admit I considered these categories when I was very young. I wanted to taste the blood and glory and it looked so safe. Only the bad guys died and the good guys only got flesh wounds and medals. At least that was what I learned from war movies until I watched M*A*S*H, which then showed me that the line between good and bad is not always clear, the soldiers who died had families and that war killed civilians too. Don’t get me wrong. I know we need soldiers as there are bad people and bad things out there but it just wasn’t for me.

Once I realized how bad violence was, I gave up my dream to be a military hero and would have settled for breaking teeth and bones as the best Rollerball player in the world. Unfortunately, I went instantly from scrawny weakling to pudgy couch potato with no time clocked in the “jock” zone. I was therefore frustrated but could not pursue this goal.

Scientific Heroes and Cultural Heroes are tied with 17% of the vote. It seems as if the results represent the eternal war of reason and emotion; of mind and of heart. So proxima, kat, janice and mago feel the need to save the world through science, logic and intellect but as top cat, several anonymous voters and all good artists know, cold science needs to be tempered with heart and soul, society has always needed to see their reflection and seek there direction from the artists, our cultural heroes. Scientists invent the atomic bomb, politicions invent detente but the flower children led by the likes of Joan Baez and Bob Dillon stopped the war.

I clearly was a Vulcan who was abducted and raised on Earth. This explains my large ears and my predeliction towards Science and having Spock as my pin-up model in my extreme youth. Then I discovered the movie Dr. Strangelove and the wonderful music of the 60's and have been in conflict since. I did study science and saw how hard it is to make a name for yourself in science today. All the easy discoveries and inventions have already been done. Also in my field, the best one can hope for was to have a disease named after you.

Josie and michael want to be leaders. They will have to try harder as they got only 8% of the vote. They believe they can change the world for the better. I applaud them for trying to make a difference within the system. I don't know much about how josie wants to change the world but I know michael's platform and all I can say is that cubicle dwellers rejoice and office managers run in fear! Politics is not for me. I need to blame someone for the mess the world is in and politicians come handy. There are politicians that I do respect but I can count them without using all my fingers and toes.

That leaves the Business Heroes and the Explorers/Discoverers tied with 13% of the vote each. Heiresschild and an anonymous voter want to be business heroes and return part of their success to the community. This is perfectly in line with the new business concept of Corporate Social Responsibility. Well done. I'd make a poor businessman with the operative word being "poor". I don't want to be in the rat race cause the winner is still a rat. I generalise, of course, some corporations are showing the way with better practices and benefits to local communities.

Squirrel and I are the only two who chose to be Explorer/Discoverers. Only Mrs. Wolfe almost swayed to our side but at the last moment decided to be more human. What can I say? It's a squirrel thing. "To go where no nut has gone before!" I admit that there is not a lot left undiscovered but it's enough. I just love to discover new places, things, animals, plants and cultures. The work never goes stale at all cause something new is always just around the corner. It's nice to have hero work that you also enjoy. That makes it my number one choice.

Thanks for playing the heroes game. Before I go, a quick mention to a few who refused to vote. These are the anti-heroes. They have important roles to play in modern literature and movie making. Their models include reluctant hero Jackie Chan, Batman and maybe Forrest Gump. They make the world a better place whether they want to or not. Perhaps all of us should just try, even to be anti-heroes.

Your Hero Fantasy

I believe we all have fantasies at some time of our lives that we might rise to some form of greatness. Perhaps some of us acheived our aspirations while for the rest it remains in the realm of our fantasies. My great ambition of winning a Nobel Prize was only just recently accomplished when Stock City Girl awarded me the Nobel Prize for "partying". I would have prefered medicine but beggars can't be chosers. Um, Stock City Girl, I am still awaiting my certificate and the promised beer.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to have a poll here on what type of hero you would like to be or that you look up to. Apart from voting, please leave a comment to explain why you made that choice. I promise to post on my own choice and the reasons for that choice.

What Kind of Hero are You?

Are you a hero? I think we would all like to think that we could be heroes if given the right opportunity and the right circumstances. The lack of opportunity may be the only thing hindering us from rising to our full heroic potential.

We may be the office wimp or the short-sighted library bookworm or we might be an Indiana Jones look-a-like but if that fleeting opportunity does not come our way then the world will never know our hidden heroic capabilities. We will always be Clark Kent and never Superman.

What heroic deed might you have in you to perform? Might you be the knight in shining armour for the lady in distress? Might you be the mother who is able to hold three jobs and still take care of the children's problem with bullies in school while smiling all the time and never raising her voice ......"Super Mom"? Or might you be the one who scores the winning point for your team in the national championships ...."Mr. Golden Goal"?

If you follow the comic book characters of the Fantastic Four; there's Mr. Fantastic (cause its "fantastic" the way he stretches), the Invisible Girl (for obvious reasons) , Johnny Torch (cause he is all sizzle and fire) and the Thing (cause the name says it all). What might our Super hero name be?

For example, if I see a bunch of young hoodlums picking on an elderly citizen, I might do one of the following; a) Shout at them and show them my muscles and they run away (that would be the Terminator), b) I could do that and they roll around laughing so much that they are helpless (The Entertainer), c) They are not impressed, leave the elderly victim and come beat me up (The Substitute Man) or d) I sneak away and call the cops (The "Call for help" Man, also known as the Energiser Man cause of a longer lifespan than the Substitute Man).

Looking back over my many years, there have in fact been a number of occassions that I have had an opportunity to demonstrate my heroic traits. As I relate the following incident, please help me to decide what my Super Hero name should be.

In my first year at University, I had to do a laboratory class on organic chemistry. This is probably one of the most dangerous lab sessions for first year students because almost every chemical we get to play with is either extremely toxic, foul smelling or combustible. The laboratory had long work benches that could accommodate two working pairs on each side. The central median of the work bench was where we kept some commonly used chemicals and also where the switches for the lights, the gas and the suction pumps were located so that it could be accessed from either side.

During one of these laboratory sessions, we were supposed to use an oil bath to evaporate an inflammable solvent to recover something dissolved in the solvent. The oil bath allows us to reach higher temperatures than 100 degrees Celsius safely as long as no naked flame ignites the oil or the flammable fumes of the solvent. This can be achieved by using a special element heater but on no occassion is the bunsen burner used because it has a powerful naked flame.

When we took our places, my lab partner, Mr. "Run for your life" was not at all pleased to find that opposite us was "Super Clumsy Girl" and her sidekick "Miss. Frantic". He warned me that the omens are bad and something bad was going to happen. Based on what we were doing, I figured that fire was going to be a likely feature of the afternoon and made a mental note of what to do in case of one.

Sure enough in less than an hour later, there was a "whoossh" as Super Clumsy Girl ignited her oil bath and solvent mix by using a bunsen burner to help "speed up the slow process". She starts to scream (another super power of hers). Miss. Frantic panicked and dropped her crucible of toxic paste all over the floor (its going to be one big mess to clean up). I turn to yell at my partner to alert the lab supervisor and to fetch the fire extinguisher at the end of the room but Mr. Run for your life was nowhere to be seen. Now that's fast on your feet.

My calm, objective mind told me that this fire was only flaring because the bunsen flame was too strong. Reduce and shut off the gas and the bunsen flame will stop fueling the oil and solvent combustion and then using a metal plate to cover the oil bath would snuff off the remaining flames. First step was to calmly reach into the middle and turn the tap to reduce the gas.

Despite the flames shooting a spectacular three feet off the desk top and amidst all the screaming from Super Clumsy Girl and the panic dance by Miss. Frantic, I reached and turned the tap and as I did so, I was rewarded by the sight that the flames came down and some one threw the metal plate on the apparatus when it was safe to do so. Crisis over.

There was a lot of back-slapping in celebration after that. Mr. Run for your life reappeared and congratulated me for my brave handling of the situation. I said it was nothing, just cool steely nerves and a realisation that you had to turn off the gas at the tap. As we were talking, we both heard a rattling sound. It was very loud. It was ..... the suction pump. Why was the suction pump on?

Sadly, the realisation set in that I had braved the flames and stood there cooly turning on the suction pump while the lab supervisor had switched off the gas supply at the mains.

So dear friends, what kind of super hero name do you think I deserve? What is your super hero name?

It seems I am a True Romantic

Stolen from (thank you) HeiressChild

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

My Other Elf

Galadriel

Possessing a rare combination of wisdom and humility, while serenely dominating your environment you selflessly use your powers to care for others.

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Galadriel is a character in the Middle-Earth universe.

Take the quiz and discover your other self.

Oooooh! This is so much better than the dumb names I got from the "name generators". Thanks to Just Jump In for posting this quiz site on her blog.