Shooting Star

You blazed across my darkness
like a shooting star in space
And lit up all my emptiness
And filled me with your grace

Then all at once my world was light
So brilliant and amazing
The world was filled with colours bright
And with every shade and feeling.

And suddenly life overwhelmed me
With the richness of its tapestry
And things that I might have once ignored
Now are the very things that I thirst for
Like being on a long sojourn
Finding treasures at every turn

But in the presence of a blazing light
A shadow will be surely cast
An ugliness on this side of white
That had been hidden in the past

Though I now look upon darkened skies
I remember what I had seen
I had glimpsed life beyond the lies
And cannot return to what has been.

So though O star long extinguished
It is you I thank and want to say
My heart once imprisoned and languished
More freely beats in joy each day.

Friend or Foe

Sometimes, when the nuts are all gathered and safely stored, when the snow lies thick upon the ground and there is not much to do but to stay snug in the nest and out of the bitter winds, a squirrel's thoughts may turn philosophical.

On this occasion, I have been reflecting on the meaning of friendship. Is a friend someone who gives you support and love unconditionally? Or is a friend someone who stand up and risks even the friendship to tell you when you are doing something wrong?

Recently, I had a friend who wanted to take a very big life-changing step and who needed my help and direct support to achieve it. I did just that because I wanted to show my unconditional support but since then I wondered if I had done the right thing. Deep down, I have my doubts about whether my friend had made the decision for change for the right reasons and there is a fear that things will not work out as my friend had hoped.

So have I done the right thing by offering unconditional support? If so, why do I feel that I have contributed to a train wreck that is yet to happen?

The alternative would probably to tell my friend that he is about to make an ass of himself and as I friend I will not participate in his "ass-ification". I might lose him as a friend though and would be unlikely to have swayed his course. But would I at least achieve a "moral" victory? Hmmm.

When I look back at my own life experiences, I remember a time when a friend told me I would be certifiably insane if I pursued my desire to be a psychologist. Her point was that there were few career opportunities for psychologists in Malaysia and I would probably end up being a starving psychologist. I remember thanking her for her candid input but deep down I wondered why she would try to ruin my dreams and aspirations with mere facts and reality.

In hindsight, I am happy with the career that I did pursue even though it has little to do with psychology. Yet even though till today we remain close friends, that incident still shines like a beacon across the darkness of time to remind me that I did not get the support I wanted. The conclusion from my own experience would suggest that even I value support rather than the truth from a friend.

Yet, there is a part of me that would like to believe in the higher ideal that friendship must be about truth and what is good for the other person above all else ......even the friendship itself. In other words, better to be a good friend or even an ex-friend than a mere "yes"-man friend.

What do you think? What type of friend would you prefer? Please advice the squirrel.

Surprised, Shocked and Bewildered

I consider myself a well-traveled and seasoned squirrel and thought that nothing much surprises or shocks me anymore. However, I stand corrected as I was just recently extremely surprised, shocked and significantly disgusted.

I refer to an agency named Ashley Madison and their services. I came across this in the papers and apparently they have run adverts on TV in the USA. Their slogan is "Life is short. Have an affair." and it hails itself as the "world's #1 married dating service specifically for attached men and women who are looking to have an extra-marital affair."

That is right. It is basically a dating service that specializes in linking those who wish to have extramaritial relationships and romps with other unfaithful married individuals. When challenged and accused of encouraging adultery and for being a "Home Wreckers Incorporated", their reply is "Ashley Madison does not encourage anyone to stray … Providing a service like ours does not make someone more likely to stray any more than increasing the availability of glassware contributes to alcoholism".

I have not included any links cause I do not want to inadvertantly encourage any of my readers to stray over there. However, I suspect if you really want to, you will find your own way there. Certainly business is good with 2.5 million members signing on for their services. Furthermore the company even boasts that their business is recession resistant and even seems to be booming in the current economic crisis.

The reason, the company claims, is that many people are trying to avoid the trauma and costs of divorce (including trying to sell the home in a depressed real estate market) during this period of recession. So instead, they hang on and take advantage of the service to have several discreet affairs.

Wow, good business model! But hang on, it is basically immoral and it is encouraging the breakdown of the family unit even if both parties remain married and have separate swinging affairs through this agency. The CEO of Ashley Madison is Noel Biderman who is married with children. I wonder how he explains his work to his children and if any of his children's friends parents make use of his company's services. Heck, would he be so philosophical if his own wife cheated on him.

I also came across another company that provides alibis. It claims that "it provides professional assistance to facilitate a private maritial affair". They can send an official invitation for you to attend a conference or trade show in the city of your choice, call your spouse to seek confirmation of your participation and hence give your alibi credibility, provide phone forwarding services, create websites of the non-existing hotel and provide all the bills, letters and documents to assist in the deception. This allows you to have your extra-maritial tyrst in complete confidence and stress free. The same service can even create false reference letters for job applications.

Isn't all this illegal? Apparently not but I think it should be. The family unit is the most important part of the fabric of our society and the marraige vows are meant to be serious and a lifetime commitment to each other. Anything that causes the breakdown of that unit is to be avoided as so many people end up being hurt when the family unit fallls apart, especially the children. Infidelity should not be encouraged, let alone facilitated. This is an immoral business.

I would never be involved in a company that promotes infidelity or gives false references. I draw the line here and will not cross it. The furthest I will go is to have a company that gives fake excuse notes (with forged parent's signature) for kids who want to skip school and can afford to pay the price.

I jest of course. Yet, in this confused world that we live in, there will probably be those who would condemn my "kid friendly" service while having no problems with using Ashley Madison.

On a totally semi-related matter, the result of the poll for "Husband of the Year" award, the winner is Ireland. Congratulations Ireland. Despite making your wife carry the heavy crate of Guiness, voters liked the fact that you were romantic enough to hold her hand while she was doing that. In the spirit of the award, the Irish husband gets a one week trip for one to the Guiness Brewery and the Irish wife gets one week free of her husband and a week free trail with Ashley Madison.

When Men Were Real Men

Do you remember a time when men were real men? Not "soft and sensitive" new age guys or "in touch with their feminine side" metro-sexuals? It was a time when men bravely took charge of the family and led it with a firm and sure hand. A time when they went out into the harsh world and brought back the bacon. A time when they knew how to take care of their women. Today, many men could do with role models on how to be real men in their marraiges....... real men to their wives.

The Lone Grey Squirrel has resorted to scouring the internet and theft (in the tradition of Sneaky) to bring you the best examples of the strong, caring and take charge husband. Please vote for your favorite for the "Husband of the Year" award. (see poll on the sidebar; results will be tabulated after a week).

Here are your "Husband of the Year" Nominees from.......

Albania

England

Poland

USA

Ireland

Suffer Little Children

I spent this weekend attending a workshop on Christian Counseling. It was a mixture of learning about counseling as well as receiving some counseling as part of the process. A great portion of the weekend focused on our responses to events in the early part of our lives which resulted in us adopting inappropriate defence mechanisms which in turn cause us to develop self-destructive behavior. For many of the participants, bad reactions to certain actions of our parents was a very common factor.

The workshop is not blaming parents for what happened because being parents are a tough job and yet a single slip at the wrong time can have a major negative result in the child's life. For example, in one case, the child was anxious after seeing something spooky on television and goes to the father for reassurance but the father teases the child by pretending to be scared himself and said "Scared, scared". A seemingly innocent incident but the child becomes easily spooked by almost anything because she does not feel secure.

Another example is when a harassed mother promises a young child to get her a long desired toy but fails to do so due to the rush and busyness of the day. Again something that can easily happen but the child could develop an unwillingness to trust people as a result.

And so many of the participants had such experiences with their parents which have led to some hangup or another.

Later though, I had the opportunity to take part in an informal conversation with some of the participants and one of them was a full time Christian worker with abused and abandoned children. He shared this story about a eleven year old girl. Her mother brought her one morning outside a Christian Shelter for Children and told her that she would be back to pick her up that evening.

Two and a half years later, this quiet and shy girl finally opened up to a student volunteer and told her that she still hoped each day that her mother would come for her one evening. Then after a short silence, she asked the volunteer, " What do I have to do to survive the reality of my situation?" It was as if she was finally coming to terms that her mother may never return. The volunteer was herself from a broken home and was able to share her own experiences. The little girl thanked her for not avoiding the question.

Needless to say, I was greatly touched by the story and it put all of our gripes about our parents in context. Not that some of the problems arising from actions of our parents were not serious but clearly, we were all reminded that having caring but imperfect parents is so much better than being left behind by your parents or having no parents at all.

I think I will do something for the kids in the shelter.

David Archuleta Sings Our Song

When I left Malaysia to study in Canada, I left my future wife behind. At that time we had been going out together for a while but had made no decisions or commitments to one another. The truth was I had a fear of commitment and our separation seemed like an easy way of letting fate decide.

I had always enjoyed traveling and coming to Canada was a real treat for me but in that first year I came to realise that as much as I enjoyed experiencing Canada, I missed not experiencing it with her. I just knew then that I wanted to experience every joy and every sorrow with her for the rest of my life. It was not fate but God who acted because just as He made me understand this and to recognise my own insecurities about commitment before, He also moved her to make a bold decision to save up and visit me on her own accord.

The timing was perfect. When I was informed that she was coming, I was excited and got prepared. The first day when she arrived I practically showed her the whole of Ottawa as if I was trying to share a year's experience in one day. She gamely put up with it but of course she was tired and she slept soundly that night.

However, I knew what I had to do and so the next day, as soon as she awoke, I proposed to her by singing "And So it Goes" by Billy Joel. I chose this song because the lyrics accurately expressed how I felt in an honest manner that I felt she needed to hear. Needless to say, this song has remained special for us.....our song.

So, we were so pleasantly surprised when we learnt that American Idol this week, Puala Abdul chose this song for David Archuleta (also my wife's favorite contestant) to sing.

And so it goes that ......DAVID ARCHULETA SINGS OUR SONG!!!!




I had posted about this song before and here are the complete lyrics of the song.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

Grumble.....Grumble......Grumble

Meet Grumbles.......

Grumble....grumble.....grumble. I am grumbling. Why am I grumbling? I am grumbling because of...........

a) Rising Food Prices: - All around the world the price of food and especially staples like rice has been going up in price. In some parts of the world, the price of rice has gone up threefold in the last year. The reason for this price hike may be due to a number of complex issues but it has mainly been due to greed and mismanagement. Reasons such as the loss of agricultural land to industrial development, decades of impoverishing farmers by fixing staple food prices at too low a level to benefit city dwellers, food crops diverted to better paying biofuel production, shortages within food producing countries due to dealers smuggling grain out to sell at higher prices in foreign markets. In Thailand, there is talk of joining forces with other rice producing countries too take advantage of the rising prices by forming a Rice Cartel so that they can force higher prices on importing nations. The Thai Prime Minister asks Thais to eat less rice so that they can profit more from selling the rice. Greed. Greed. Greed and now a global food crisis.
(This is what my meez is protesting about).

b) Military Juntas:- Like the government of Myanmar who show little concern for their people even in the face of a natural catastrophe like Cyclone Nargis. With a death toll climbing into the tens of thousands and an estimated one million without shelter, food or safe water for almost a week, the government is still holding up the entry of international aid by insisting on lengthy negotiations before allowing permits and visas for rescue workers. One report claims that an aid agency was told that financial aid in the form of hard currency could be handed over to the government official but the aid workers and relief supplies cannot enter the country. The military and there soldiers seem to be largely missing from relief efforts. In some villages, the soldiers have not come to help but instead the Buddhist monks that they have been persecuting are the ones on the ground rendering aid and clearing debris.

c) Monsters:- They exist. I refer to those men who prey on helpless children and sexually abuse them. In an update of the sad and tragic story of the Austrian woman who had been sexually abused by her father since she was 11 years old, imprisoned in a cellar for 24 years and forced to bear him seven children, the father has since claimed that he is NOT a monster. He argues that if he was a real monster, he would have killed his daughter and all seven offspring, burned and disposed of all the bodies and he would not have been caught. Instead, he points out that it was he who decided to let her and the children live and therefore, he is not a monster but responsible for sparing their lives! And then there is the pedophile that Interpol is searching for who is believed to have been sexually exploiting countless young children and having the incidents recorded on the internet. Monsters.

Sorrrrry for being so negative but it seems like its been a bad week around the world. Grumble....Grumble.....Grumble.

Ming Dynasty - Tea Ceremony

Regular readers will remember that I was in Australia at the end of last year. The reason I was there was to help with the preparations and to witness the wedding of my nephew, Ming. Despite the distance, I would like to think that we have always remained quite close even as the boy grew up to be a man. In our culture, we often refer to the couple on their wedding day as King and Queen for a day. So indeed, I feel that with his wedding to his lovely wife Jean, old foggies like myself begin to slide into the sunset to make way for a new exciting chapter in the family history ......the Dynasty of Ming!

The wedding is in three parts; the tea ceremony, the exchange of vows and the wedding dinner. The newly wed couple cannot immediately begin reigning their own household until they pay homage to their parents and elders which they do so by offering cups of tea to their elders as a symbol of servitude and respect. In turn, the parents and elders will give them a symbolic gift or "ang pow" (red packet filled with money) to signal acceptance into the family and also to wish them good fortune in their new life together.

This wedding was also exceptional as the groom was from a Malaysian Chinese culture and the bride was Korean. Hence, the day was full of colourful representation of both rich cultures.

Ming & Jean - the King and Queen for the day, making their entrance

The Tea Ceremony - for Ming's parents

The Korean side of the Dynasty in colourful traditional dress (hanbok)

Malaysian relatives
(Chinese Cheong-sam - ladies at both ends of the line)
(Peranakan Sarong Kebaya - the two ladies 2nd and 3rd from left)
(Batik Shirt - sole gentleman amongst the ladies)

Fruits and cakes from both cultures

Emperor Ming discovers Korean Tradition of carrying Mother-in-law!

All photos are by LGS.

Fathers and Daughters

"Daughters"
by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

I have always liked this John Mayer song because it recognises the role of fathers in the development of their daughters and reminds them of their important role and their great responsibility. I have highlighted some of the lyrics that especially does this.

Of course, both mothers and fathers are important for children but they have different roles and responsibilities. Sociologists and psychologists have found that mothers are nurturing, soothing and provide unconditional love. In contrast but in a complementary way, fathers provide security, discipline and physical/intellectual stimulation. Kids with involved fathers or father figures (can be stepfathers or anyone who plays the male role) tend to have more self-esteem, be more popular with peers, lack emotional problems, are able to emphatise with others and do better in areas of schooling, socialising and sports. Read more about this here.

A lot of that is common sense, I feel. Elsewhere, I have read that the father is especially important in giving a daughter her sense of self-worth which greatly influences her self confidence and her future interactions with other men. I was just discussing this with a good friend with two young daughters as he shared the trails and tribulations of being a good dad. One of his daughters is especially concerned about her physical beauty and she depends on her dad to give the reassurance that she needs.

In that context, I am so totally appalled to hear of the sad and tragic story of the Austrian woman who had been sexually abused by her father since she was 11 years old. This is an extreme case of betrayal of a daughter's trust. When she was 18, she was lured by the father into the basement, drugged and handcuffed. She has subsequently lived in the enclosed basement for the last 24 years and subject to repeated sexual abuse. She gave birth to 7 children. One child died soon after birth. Of the remaining 6 children, three were raised by her father and mother in their home but three others were left with her in the basement.

Even though she has now been rescued, I cannot imagine what help she and her children and even her mother (who is believed to have been unaware) will need to even be able to return to some level of functionality, let alone having their deep wounds to be healed.

I am sure justice and punishment will be meted out on the father and rightly so but I hope even greater efforts be made to help these victims recover from their ordeal.

Unburied Nuts from 9th February 2007: Love is........

From time to time, I uncover an older post and give it another chance in the spotlight. As I am not very creative at the moment, I thought it was time to do so again. This was originally only my second poetry posting. First posted on the 9th of February 2007 with Valentine's Day just round the corner, I chose "Love" as the theme; but it was love viewed through the eyes of a scientist and the heart of a believer. My inspiration had been the stories of strength, joy and struggle that have been found on many of the blogs that I visit. Thank you.

Love is but just a word that signifies a state of being,
Not a physical reality but a feeling that is fleeting.
Just chemicals in our blood that send our senses reeling
Its hormones and pheromones to which we are reacting.

The purpose of the bond, is for the sake of reproduction.
It’s sex and not love that drives the species propagation.
Your heart may grow fond, but its just a chemical reaction.
Love is nothing more than a tool in the course of evolution.

A mother’s sacrificial love, which we elevate as pure,
Is but a selfish act and nothing, nothing more.
A mother’s driven to protect her offspring, sure.
But it’s to protect her genes, that she does it for.

For Science when applied with all brains and no heart
It cannot understand, cannot measure, quantify nor even start,
In a world of logic and sense, love has no part,
It needs to run free, chose its own master, follow its own path.

There is no reasoning for the choices Love makes,
For it might find beauty in what others see misshaped,
Looking beyond skin and physique, the soul it celebrates
It reaches far beyond just the need to succeed, to pro-create.

A mother is justly proud of children strong and smart,
Yet the weakest and the smallest also shares in equal part,
The love that she can give, the strength that she imparts,
To see them through shattered dreams and broken hearts.

A man and a woman with a lifetime to share,
Have hopes and dreams and a plan to get there,
Yet illness may shatter plans, and one may need care.
Love keeps the other willing to serve, cherish and bear.

The mysteries of Love continue to unfold
Why some lovingly raise another’s child as their own
Taking on problems, many would wish to forgo
It’s not about selfish genes, unlike what we’ve been told.

As we transverse across the tapestry of time
An amazing love will like occasional jewels shine.
The ultimate sacrifice, the fate of two lives entwined,
One giving that the other may live, a mirror of love divine

How then do we measure Love’s length, breadth and height
Or give account of its strength and might.
It is from God, to love with His love, to see with His sight,
A gift that allows man to rise up into the light.

Farewell Darkness and Hello Light

Claudia gave me this ...........um.......way back at the beginning of March but I am only now acknowledging it. What's my excuse? Well, there was this bear, see.......and you can read all about it here. Anyway, thanks very much Claudia, it is much appreciated.

"Friendship is a light in the darkness". I can really relate. I had a very serious bout with depression when I was at University and I remember how very suffocating it was. The world was all darkness, stifling darkness that you feel you would faint because there was no air. Then once, when it seemed that the darkness would stretch on forever, I asked a friend to just be with me for a weekend. No counseling, no analysis, no "why are you crying", no questions. Just tea and company. No judgment, only acceptance and friendship. Just a weekend but it meant the world to me. It was a sliver of light in my prison. It gave me back the sky. I could breathe and I could sleep. By that light, I climbed out of my pit. (for more details, here)

Wow. I hadn't meant to go that dark but every time I re-visit that episode of my life, its dark depths still is able to pull at me. But for now, let's stay out of the dark side. The point that was being made is that friendship is like alight in the darkness.

All this reminds me of a scene from the movie called "Farewell to the King" which also happens to be in my opinion one of the best movies ever filmed in Malaysia. Set in the dark days of World War Two and in the deep jungles of Borneo, it traces the story of an American deserter who somehow wins the trust of the native tribes in the jungle interior and becomes their "king". In this capacity, he tries to keep the war outside from reaching his people.

The scene I refer to comes towards the end of the movie when one of the protagonists, a British Officer, visits a captured Japanese Colonel. The Colonel had done everything to try to avoid defeat. He had been ruthless and took no prisoners. Later, cut-off and surrounded by enemy troops, he continued to lead his men to carry out attacks. When they ran out of food, they descended into madness and began to eat the flesh of their victims to keep going. However, as they continued to wander under the dark forest canopy, the noose grew tighter and in their desperation, so did their depravity.

Eventually, most were slaughtered in an ambush and now the Colonel was in custody and soon to be executed for his war crimes. The Colonel was all cleaned up and seemed to have recovered some of his former dignity. Even though he knew he was to be executed soon, he reached out and shook the British Officer's hand. It was this officer who had captured him. As he shook his hand he said, "Thank you for showing me the sky again".

At least, that is what I re-collect. We all need to see the sky. May we all always have someone to show us the sky.

Romance Icons

The 14th of February 2008, Valentine's Day and many people's thoughts turn to love and romance. I thought it would be interesting to ask you readers, "Which famous couple best portrays for you the romance that Valentine's Day represents to you."

Do you imagine being swept off your feet? Is there someone out there that the fates have appointed for you? Are you impressed by power? Good-looks? Passion?

I have chosen a few famous couples here. Please take the poll on the side bar and select 5 choices.

Romeo and Juliet - Star-crossed lovers
We start with this famous couple whose families tried to keep apart but are united in death.


Catherine and Heathcliffe (Wuthering Heights) - haunted lovers
A love that starts in childhood but seems to go beyond the grave. Heathcliffe's love and obsession is so powerful that it consumes him even after Catherine's death. A powerful, dark brooding passion.

Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler – Swept off Your Feet
Perhaps your idea of romance is to have a handsome devil sweep you off your Southern Belle feet. Flirtatious and tempestuous.

Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere – Forbidden Love
The excitement of forbidden love? To fall for that which you are sworn to protect even at the cost of betraying the trust of your king and friend? Passion before duty.

Odysseus and Penelope - Patient, enduring love
Separated soon after they were married, Odysseus will endure a long 20 year journey to return to his love. Penelope remains faithful and spurns the advances of hundreds of men even though she had no news of her husband and little hope that he was still alive. Odysseus too must resit much danger and temptation before they can be reunited.

Anthony and Cleopatra – Tragic love
The world's most beautiful woman and one of the most powerful generals in the world. For their love's sake tried to stand against the might of Rome itself.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono – inspired, free spirits.
Both artists who seem to complement each other and to inspire each other to new creative heights .......even if it meant the end of the Beatles.

Marie and Pierre Curie – meeting of minds
A couple who shared a common passion for science and a love for each other; successfully combining the pursuit of minds and hearts.

Helen of Troy and Paris – Obsessive, consuming love
The face that launched a thousand ships and a love that had a war fought over it.

Prince Edward and Wallis Simpson – love worth losing your crown for.
The British law would not allow Prince Edward to marry the American divorcee. No problem. Edward chose to give up his kingdom for love's sake.

Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal – A monumental love.
Out of this love, we have one of the world's great wonders, the Taj Mahal. Shah Jahan built it to commemorate his love for his wife.

Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie - A match made in Hollywood.
Perhaps, the modern day poster couple for love as found in tinseltown and promoted in the media. The love of two of the world's beautiful people.

That's it, folks. Please cast your votes. What are you waiting for? Stop looking. I did not include Kermit and Ms. Piggy. You can also tell me who I have been guilty of leaving off the list in the comments section. Happy Valentine's Day!

The Romantic Horror Show

I hate Chinese romantic comedy movies. That is because they always portray the love-struck male as a complete blubbering idiot that always makes a fool of himself in front of the object of his affection and.............. unfortunately, it cuts too close to home. Ah, the indiscretions of youth. If you are anything like me, those early forays into romance were damn embarrassing. For that very reason, I tend to keep those memories locked in a trunk in the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind and have burned the map that would lead me back to them.

So imagine my surprise that in the last two weeks, not one but two lost flames reappeared in my small world and in the most unusual way and they were in sequence, my first crush and my first serious girlfriend.

In the first instance, I was at a meeting at work with members of the Board of my organization. This is a quarterly meeting and I have known and met with these people on a regular basis for the last 5 years. This last meeting was different though. At the end of the meeting, one elderly gentleman whom I get on particularly well with, pulled me aside and asked if I had ever lived in a place called Ampang. Well, that was strange. I was almost automatically going to say that I haven’t. Then an old memory re-surfaced. I did indeed stay there for one month but that was when I was about 12 years old (which let us just say was several decades ago). I was puzzled how he might have known this.

He then went on to say that his wife (whom I had only met twice) says she remembers me from then. He then asked if I had attended some art classes there and indeed I had. He said his daughter used to attend those classes too. Suddenly I felt like I was hit with a sledgehammer right between the eyes. I suddenly knew who his daughter was. She had a very unusual family name which the gentleman also had. Strange, I never made the connection before. Now, you might wonder why his wife would remember me after all these years. Let’s just say I did some memorable capers that would have fitted in nicely in a Chinese romantic comedy movie. Well, I found the whole episode a little creepy and a bit embarrassing. No doubt they would all have a laugh on me that night over dinner.

Anyway, it seems No: 1 crush is married with two kids and has kept in touch with my career in the news and from her dad. I’m sure she’s been telling her friends, ‘ I knew this guy once……what a dork!”

Then just over a week later, I found myself as the master of ceremonies at a baptism service. Later, after the service, I was congratulating one of the baptisimal candidates, a young girl, when she turned and introduced me to her aunt. I looked round and came face to face with serious Girlfriend No:1. As appropriate again for a Chinese romantic comedy movie, I said something smooth like, “Ha…ab….a..ba….ba.” The surprise was complete. The conversation was awkward. I’m sure she’s telling her friends, “After so many years, I met him again and……he’s still a dork.”

Take the case of the Lone Grey Squirrel. His confidence and self esteem is taking a beating because he keeps meeting his old girlfriends in that place called ……the Twilight Zone. Creepy.

Beware of the Squirrel ..........Please?

Something funny happened to me recently. I haven't decided if this falls under the funny ha-ha or the funny peculiar category. However, it definately fits into the funny and darn embarassing category.

It was about the 5 things meme or Tag 5 as I called it, which I posted just previously. Meggie wanted to tag me for the meme and this is what she said, "Now, I am supposed to nominate 5 more I would like to do this meme.So here goes. No pressure!"

She then proceeds to nominate 5 bloggers of her choice and she named yours truly as No: 1. What a priveledge indeed!

Meggie then follows that up with the following, "I hope this is not an imposition. I was going to choose a man, as they can alway give a nice twist to the mix, but perhaps next time."

Uh, excuse me Meggie........ last time I checked ....... I'm still a male. Ooooooooo. This traumatic event, this challenge to my maleness has brought back terrible flashbacks from my youth. Meggie, if you read this post, you will learn why I was not entirely devastated..............I've had practice!

During my sensitive formative years of 6-10 years old, I had very few friends of my own age and because of my upbringing, I had rare opportunities to play with them. My sister who is 8 years older, on the other hand, was always having her friends over or going out with them. As she was frequently asked to keep an eye on me, it meant that often, I was thrusted upon their giggling sessions. Needless to say, she wasn't very happy about this. I soon learnt that it was less physically painful for me if I kept quiet and blended into the background. I kind of became an inanimate fixture and the girls became more at ease to be themselves and share their gossip even when I was around.

Having no macho comrades to rely on, my survival depended on going under the radar. This experience had no doubt given me certain skills and shaped my personality to a degree.

Try as I might, I continued to find myself the sole male in a company of women many times in my life. When I was first in the U.K. trying to do my A-levels, I was thousands of miles away from friends and family. A local family, the Sweetmen's, invited me to spend Sundays with them so that I could enjoy a family environment because otherwise I would spend my weekends alone in an empty dormitory. They were wonderful but the Sweetmen's had three daughters and no sons. As a result, my social education often focussed on the proper way to wear mascara or how to avoid getting runs in their stockings.

At university, it was the same. A combination of types of courses taken and housing locations often meant that socially, I hung out with a bunch of female nurses more than anyone else. When I first started work, I faced a four hour bus commute every day. Fortunately, someone offered to give me a ride in their carpool. I am sure that you had already guessed that I was the only male in the all-female carpool. Such was my priveledge and my fate to be in their company for about 2 -3 hours every working day for the next two years. These are just some examples.

There were obviously some advantages of being so readily excepted within these female circles. Pleaseant and pretty company is always good. Occasional homemade cookies are a nice bonus and there are many disadvantages too.

You might be wondering is this guy a whiner? Male readers might think I am being an ungrateful sod or that this situation is like Pooh Bear falling into a big vat of honey and complaining that its too sticky. Of course, few real men would actually admit about thinking about Pooh Bear but I digress.

I can share with you some of the disadvantages. High on the list is learning things that men have no business knowing. It's bad enough when they talk about their boyfriend problems but you really don't want to hear about female hygiene problems. It gets worse, I have had to fight nausea and passing out when they start giving a blow by blow account of their caesarian section ably illustrated by uncensored photos in full colour. Obviously, violent Hollywood movies have not desensitised me enough yet.

However, the very worse thing and the source of all my bad memories that this recent incident in blogland has resurrected is that you are accepted by them. How is that bad? Picture if you will a single, eligible young man. It does not matter if he is in his late teens or even his early thirties, he does not want to be accepted as one of the girls. No! No! No! That is so not right.

The problem with being accepted as one of the girls is that they no longer see you as a man but as a pal. This is like the death sentence to a young man trying to make an impression on the dating scene. He is putting himself 100 percent out there to send the message that he is all male and ready to rumble. He is the proud peacock flashing his testosterones in hope of attracting female company. What he does not need is having a new girl ask the rest of the girls who he is and to hear them reply, "Oh, him? Don't worry. Relax. It's just LGS. He's harmless."

"Harmless!?! What? Harmless!?! At this stage, you look around desperately to do something to try to convince the new girl that you are not harmless. "Hey, new girl. Beware! I'm dangerous! Yes, beware. Keep away because I am not harmless!"

But it is too late. The damage is done. It's like someone had plucked all the peacock's fine feathers and the nude bird is strutting around like a harmless fool.

Oooo. Let me tell you. That phrase "He's harmless" still gives me cold sweat.
So, beware of the squirrel.............please? Pretty please with honey on top?

L for Lorraine (Shroud of Loneliness)

This is for Lorraine who has been asking me to post a poem. The topic is not significant other than this was the path down which my muse took me tonight. Coincidentally the topic of Loneliness starts with an "L" but that is pure coincidence. I'll throw in all the usual disclaimers including the fact that "no sea monkeys were harmed in the production of this blog" (which I stole from Top Cat so you'll have to ask him what that means). This poem was also tested for safety with laboratory animals (rabbits). When read to the cute bunnies, some fell into a deep sleep. So if you are a rabbit or some relative, do not read this while operating heavy machinery.

Shroud of Loneliness

PhotoCredit: swiatlo

Loneliness can be a blast of winter air,
Leaving you shivering and chilled to the bone;
No one to warm you, none to care,
The soul-sapping wind shreiks, "You are alone."

Tears fall, coming down like spring rain,
Cold on the skin and bitter to taste;
There is none to share our hidden pain,
Of never being part of life's chase.

The heart can be uneasy as summer storms,
Endless like breakers upon the shore;
When life is fullest, bursting in shape and form,
Ours is unchanged, as empty as before.

The slipping of time is marked in autumn's barren trees,
When solitude comes around and shows its face;
Foolish hope lies buried under decaying leaves,
knowing now, we pass on and leave no trace.

Loneliness is existing but never living,
It is being alone in the bustle of a crowd;
The heart yearns for the spark it is missing,
But learns to wear loneliness like a shroud.

Uncovered Nuts from 16th December 2006

Friends, the early days of my blogging was a very lonely affair with few visitors and precious few comments. Some of my early posts mean a lot to me so I have decided to uncover some of these buried nuts from time to time. I hope this offering from December 2006 has survived winter well.

The Soul of a Man

Altar of the Church of the Good Shepard, Tekapo, NZ.

As Christmas approaches, I am reminded that the Christ child came into this world to bring light to the world's darkness and to lead us back to a relationship with God. The Word became flesh and His light lit up our darkness.

This song was originally written by gospel/blues singer Blind Willie Johnson in the 1930s but the lyrics below is from the cover version done by Bruce Cockburn in 1991 in his album, "Nothing but a burning light". Bruce, himself, has travelled a long road of discovery during which he dabbled into the occult and studied Buddhism before becoming a Christian. When he announced that he became a Christian, he lost a number of his humanist fans.

The Soul of a Man
I'm going to ask the question
Please answer if you can
Is there anybody's children can tell me
What is the soul of a man?
Won't somebody tell me
Answer if you can
Won't somebody tell me
Tell me what is the soul of a man?
I've travelled different countries
Travelled to the furthest lands
Couldn't find nobody could tell me
What is the soul of a man
Won't somebody tell me
Answer if you can
Won't somebody tell me
Tell me what is the soul of a man?
I saw a crowd stand talking
I just came up in time
Was teaching the lawyers and the doctors
That a man ain't nothing but his mind
Won't somebody tell me
Answer if you can
Won't somebody tell me
Tell me what is the soul of a man?
I read the Bible often
I try to read it right
As far as I can understand
It's nothing but a burning light
Won't somebody tell me
Answer if you can
Won't somebody tell me
Tell me what is the soul of a man?
When Christ taught in the temple
The people all stood amazed
Was teaching the lawyers and the doctors
How to raise a man from the grave
Won't somebody tell me
Answer if you can
Won't somebody tell me
Tell me what is the soul of a man?

Now Watch the Video



Bruce Cockburn speaks about his faith (Excerpts from interviews)

My faith has undergone drastic transformations and reformations. I was brought up as an agnostic, even though we were surrounded by the symbolism, and when I first became a Christian in the Seventies I didn't really know what it was I'd adopted. I've always been aware of the spiritual side to life, and that awareness has sometimes been very tangible and vivid. But it's one thing to have this direct experience of contact with something that appears to be central to existence, but then there's all the uniforms people wear and the customs they adopt. For me, part of the journey has been deciding where I fit in. In the end, I've decided that I don't fit in at all. The proper place for me is outside all the groups.

I still think of myself as a Christian. The only definition of a Christian - I got this from C.S. Lewis - is somebody who accepts the reality of Christ. What is that reality? Well, there we get into fights, don't we? I know my own experience tells me there is somebody - and it's not a thing - at the centre of Christianity. I assume it to be Christ, and assume that's my point of contact with God, whom none of us have a very good definition for. I like to talk about Love rather than God. What we think of as love is his expression of involvement in the universe, and that is the glue that holds everything together, from the subatomic particles up. It is also the hand that breaks us apart, but that has to do with our failure to relate to it properly.

"If I try to understand what it means to be a Christian, I look at the two instructions that were given in the Bible that are paramount, . . . and those are to love God with all your heart and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. That's it."

"Almost" Love Hurts Most

I was seeking inspiration by visiting my blogging friends. I noticed that a few of them were posting or had recently posted about TV programs. This is a topic that I have actually never posted on before except incidentally when I posted about the M*A*S*H song and when I posted about scenes that make me cry. I was still moseying along when I came across Proxima posting about the works of Joss Whedon and especially about the TV series he created called Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Well, I got really excited cause I share the opinion that Joss Whedon is a genius writer. One critic once said that the quickest way to create a TV flop was to put the words "Buffy" and "Vampire Slayer" together and yet Whedon made it into an international hit which ran for 7 seasons and with a huge cult following around the world. I could go on for a very long time on this topic but have avoided doing so because I feel I need to spend sometime in research to do this topic justice. For that reason, I am not making this a post about Whedon or Buffy either.

After reading Proxima's post, I got a little nostalgic for the series. One of the many themes of the series was the issue of unrequited love. Charles Schultz (creator of Peanuts) once said there is no comedy in being happy and made unrequited love one of the things that will plague many of his adorable characters. Hence, Charlie Brown's agonising relationship with the little red haired girl. While at the meantime, Charles is oblivious to Peppermint Patty's and Marcie's affections. And will Schroeder ever reward Lucy's devotion?

I add to Mr. Schultz's observation and note that there is no drama in being happy. Drama finds its voice in challenge and in pain. Once again, unrequited love or sometimes the tragedy of "almost" love can be powerful elements of a story.

In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, our heroine is a young teenage girl with supernatural powers to fight vampires. Yet in the end, one of the strongest friend and ally to her is a vampire, Spike. This journey from mortal enemies to reluctant allies to friends to almost lovers was developed masterfully over six seasons. Sometimes your enemies know you better than your friends but as they learn to know you might they also grow to love you? That was one wonderful thread of the story. Their's was both a case of unrequited love and later a case of "almost" love.

Below is a video tribute by a fan using clippings from the TV series. It begins with the last time Buffy and Spike interact during the season and series finale. Spike is about to find redemption for all his evil deeds by performing an act of self-sacrifice. In the love-hate, almost relationship between the pair, Spike had actually said and demonstrated his love and had repeatedly received a rebuff from Buffy. Even when they shared intimate moments of closeness and friendship, he had never heard her return his feelings.

I have been watching this clip a few times and I think this video combines the climax of one of the most tragic "almost" love relationships ever on TV together with a wonderful song to make a particularly evocative tribute to the world of Buffy as created by Joss Whedon. It stirs my heart and I would like to share it with you.

Easter as I See It (by HMYU)

Just six months ago, I was oblivious to the blogging world. My wife reads blogs but they were mostly recipe sites and of little interest to me. Then a good friend of mine talked about setting up a blog to share about his faith in God. I waited and waited for it and nothing happened. Then he'd mention it again and I'd wait and nothing happened. Finally, last October, I challenged him to see who could get a blog up over the weekend as a way of getting him moving. That really didn't achieve its purpose but it did get me started on blogging.

Anyway, he has finally got his blog up and I asked him if he could guest blog over here for me. So, may I present to you HMYU and his first post on the blogosphere with his take on the Easter Story. Please help me to encourage him to keep it coming.


"I see disunity among Christians,
I see no peace among nations,
I see the Gospel twisted of its facts,
And I see now why God had to act!

I see deterioration in moral values of the human race,
I see corruption and injustice showing its ugly face,
I see no hope for us all at this age,
But yet I see each individual knitted and created in God’s image!

I see sky scrappers and man-made achievement,
I see man’s pride with all it’s invention,
I see self-reliance is the key to life,
And I see now why Christ had to give up his life!


I see nature being plundered and raped,
I see no hope for all the creatures that God made,
I see how marvelous God's hand in all creation,
And I see only through Christ, we can have redemption!


I see the cross where you and I should be the one carrying,
I see death as our destiny with eternal suffering,
I see this journey to Calvary no one is prepare to take,
And I see Christ who took all these for our sake!


”My God, My God, Why have thou forsaken me?”

I see pain on His face at Calvary,
I see grief and sadness, with breath barely,
I see much tears and blood that were shed,
But I do not see Him showing any regret!

I see bondage in the human race,
I see death and destruction we will surely face,
I see God’s intervention in human history,
And I see hope, for Christ who died and now arose in all glory!

”Forgive them for they know not what they are doing”

I see sadness,
I see gentleness,
I see forgiveness,
And I see love manifested in all its greatness!


I see Christ as the living Savior,
I see His grace is for all without condition or favor,
I see salvation if we only believe,
And I see there is hope with God's full pardon......what a relief!





“As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” ~ Joshua 24:15

I see Christ ascended up in glory,
I see now this is the Gospel story,
I see no matter who says whatsoever the contrary,
I will still declare....He lives! He lives! And He lives in me.....what a mystery!"

It seems I am a True Romantic

Stolen from (thank you) HeiressChild

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Love: The Early Symptoms

Today I shall pretend to be an expert on “love” and shall attempt to give a discourse on the subject, focusing on the affliction in the early years of life. My credentials, you ask? Have I ever behaved erratically around girls? Have I been compelled to do something stupid which is as embarrassing today as it was then? Have I tortured flowers by plucking their petals ? (“she loves me, she loves me not”). Did my dad ever talked to me about the phone bill? Have I contributed to deforestation with all the failed love poems crumpled in the waste bin? Has my heart ever ached? Did the power of speech ever leave me? (Err, Em…Ah…That is… I mean…). Yes to all the above, which is why I believe I am qualified.

Puppy Love:-
This is the earliest manifestation of the ailment. Wikipedia says, “Puppy love is an informal term for feelings of love between young people, especially during adolescence, so-called for its resemblance to the affection that may be felt towards a puppy dog.”

Photocredit: lopsidedsmiley

Hmmm. Just imagine. “Sugar, I love you just as much as I love Rex. You’re both so cute although he catches frisbees better than you.”

Photocredit: jonlewis1975

I beg to disagree with Wikipedia. I think the term merely means a love between two extremely young and immature kids who don’t know better yet. What I mean is that when we are very young, our knowledge of the world is constantly expanding and growing bigger. We might fall “in love” with someone until we realise there’s more fish in the sea. For example, I may only have tried vanilla or chocolate ice cream and decide I “love” vanilla. Later I discover Baskin & Robbins, Ben & Jerry etc and I forget vanilla and chase after pistachio almond fudge instead. (Actually, in real life, I still actually love vanilla ice cream. I am faithful to my first ice cream flavor).

Okay, to summarise:- Puppy love does not last because it’s like making a choice from the appetisers section because you haven’t yet seen the whole menu.

Crush:-
Wikipedia says, “Limerence, as posited by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person (the limerent object). Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses "having a crush" on someone else. It is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual”

Huh?

I think a crush is when one of the puppies (see above) dumps the other puppy because she realises how cool the leader of the pack is. She likes it when the alpha dog shows her attention. The huge age gap does not matter. Alpha dog is just the greatest creature that ever lived. But this cannot end well because when the alpha dog runs with the pack, the puppy just can’t keep up. She’s still got some growing up to do.

By the time, she comes to her senses, puppy love has discovered pistachio almond fudge and moved on. This leads to an important cross-road in life. She can either choose to be like Avril Lavigne and write angry young woman angst or she can seek comfort in the collective sorrow of country music.

Infatuation:-
As we mature, we actually take a few steps back. I think in puppy love and crush stages, we actually care about the whole person. For example, alpha dog cannot do wrong. He’s got good fashion sense; he’s cool, he’s kind, he’s the smartest, he’s everything you ever wanted to bring home to meet mom.

Infatuation is going backwards; it’s not about the whole person. Some may say focused; others, more shallow. The afflicted will spend hours day-dreaming about his or her nose; or some other superficial physical feature that has tugged the heart strings. Maybe this is “desire” or “passion” learning how to crawl. Okay, I confess, my very first infatuation was with someone’s hair.

Infatuation is empowering. It makes you feel that you have supernatural powers. You can slow down time and watch her hair move from side to side in slow-motion. It makes you invisible (or so you think, until her mother catches you in the bushes) as you stalk her with your camera to take her photo. It gives you super energy that you are willing to cycle 10 kilometers to her neighborhood.

Unfortunately, the kryptonite in this scenario is when you realise that the hair is attached to other less attractive parts and the final straw is when you discover she thinks basketball (your other true love) is boring.

Thankfully for everyone and especially parents, we then progress into remission and go through a period of staying away from the “stupid” other sex.

This concludes my discourse on “love ….the early symptoms,” as told by a squirrel and illustrated with dogs.