Wise Sayings.........Not!

on Tuesday, September 16, 2008

As you would have learnt from my last post, I recently had one of those astronomical anomalies called a birthday which continues to push me somewhere beyond teenager and closer to old geezer. As one grows old, one can either become wiser or one can become more cynical. I choose to be more cynical cause it is a lot harder work pretending to be wise.

So here for your reading pleasure is my cynical take on some famous wise sayings.

"The first step is always the hardest"
LGS says, "This is hard to believe after watching people try to complete marathons. Those last steps seem pretty difficult too."

"Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours."
LGS says, "Just try to scratch my back and I'll have you up on sexual harassment charges."

"Make hay while the sun shines"
LGS says, "Make liquor at night and call it moonshine."

"There is no smoke without fire"
LGS says, "Then why does the smoke detector alarm go off sometimes even when there is no fire?"

"The early bird gets the worm"
LGS says, "And why would I want to get the worm? Eaughhh!"

"Many hands make light work."
LGS says, "Is this another way of asking how many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Give him an inch and he'll take a yard."
LGS says, "Maybe he gets confused between the metric and imperial systems. It happens."

"Two heads are better than one."
LGS says, "What strange world two-headed world do you live in?"

"Walls have ears."
LGS says, "So that's what they put into those WALLS sausages."

"What you don't know, can't hurt you."
LGS says, "Then why do they always ask you about those things in the exams?"

"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
LGS says, "Well, you certainly can't eat your cake if you don't have it! What is this all about?"

"There's a black sheep in every flock."
LGS says, "Isn't this an example of politically incorrect racial profiling?"

"Blood is thicker than water."
LGS says, "And maple syrup is thicker than blood. What is your point?"


Sincerity said...

" what you don't know can't hurt you."

I agree with you Mr. LGS! Why do they put those things on exams?

Cynical is sooo much easier than wiser. That's why I like it too. :p

I'm sorry I missed your post about your birthday! A late congrats to you! And to further my apology here is a link celebrating yet another year of life. Keep an eye out for the squirrel with the nut. :)


Dr.John said...

You are now a resident internet cynic.
You have passed your examination.
Would send you a cake but it got eaten.

the walking man said...

Personally now that I have passed the half century mark I prefer fence sitting...I think.

Margaret said...

Happy Birthday Squirrly! I must be at least 2 days older than you. September birfday buddies are the bestesest!! Happy Belated Birthday!

blackcrag said...

Darn right maple syrup is thicker than blood! Wait... why is tht important again?

"Many hands make light work" isn't that the Chinese Electric Company's motto?

blackcrag said...

Now that I think of it, if you don't know an anvil is falling from the sky directly onto your head, does that mean it won't pulverise your skull, crush your body like a beat-up accordion, and basically not kill you?

Janice Thomson said...

These were great LGS - you have an excellent imagination and a wonderful sense of humor...
and you're well on your way to becoming a curmudgeon LOL

xup said...

Your wisdom will prevent me from making many costly mistakes if I ever get old, master. Thank you (PS: Bwah-ha-ha)

mago said...

Aw moonshine ... shall I call you Diogenes now? :)
I sent you an Einladung, would like you to drop by. Thank you.

Joyce's Ramblings said...

Loved this post! My favorite of my dad' was "You don't have enough sense to pound sand in a rat hole." I always thought put a rock and seal the hole.Rats can go through sand.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Now that was a strange video but of course the squirrel was the high point! Thanks for the thoughts and wishes.

dr. john,
Please do have more cake! LOL.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I like fence sitting too but don't you find that after awhile, it cuts off blood circulation to the @#$*@! legs?

Oooo. I love meeting September Babies. Happy belated birthday to you too.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Thank you for sharing your wisdom but if a Canadian can't explain the significance of maple syrup being thicker than blood.....then who can?

Curmudgeon? I prefer Grumpy Ol' Man in the tradition of Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Yes, if you get birthday cake.....eat it while you have the chance! That is the sum of all my wisdom.

Diogenes? Are you calling me names? Well, perhaps Bacchus may be better on account that we are both portly individuals. :)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I hadn't heard that one before but it certainly is a strange one! :)

heiresschild said...


i would have probably opted for the wise, albeit hard work; however, your cynacism is sooooo funny! you're a natural.

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

Thanks for the laughs, LGS!

Andre said...

The person who said "Money can't buy happiness" never got a phone call from a creditor at 11:34 p.m.

Greak list LGS!

Marja said...

Hilarious. It might be cynical but I think you need pretty good thinking skills for these evaluations you did. So you passed as a wise squirrel as well.

Baba Doodlius said...

"I choose to be more cynical cause it is a lot harder work pretending to be wise."

Amen, brother!

And happy birthday, Mr. Short-of-Geezer Squirrel!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Ah well.

Give him 2.57 millimettres and he'l take a meter.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...


I meant to say 2.57 cm, not mm.

Dang. We North Americans can't convert.

Happy birthday.

Molly said...

Oh, you cynic you! Have always been puzzled by "having your cake and eating it too"......What good is it to have it if you can't eat it??

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Natural Born Cynic. Haha. Good luck with being wise! :)

You're welcome.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Spike Milligan once said, "Money can't buy you happiness; only a better class of enemy."

The wise cynic? Could be a dangerous combination.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Thank you for gracing this blog, O wise bird.

I still can't figure out between Imperial ton, American ton and metric ton and also should it be "ton" or "tonnes".

A little variation on the theme from Weight watchers, "You can't have your cake and Edith too.".

citizen of the world said...

Happy birthday to you!! Most wise sayings have a more reasonable alternate saying, as you have clearly found out.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

The mirror has two faces. Another wise saying?

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