Wise Sayings.........Not!

As you would have learnt from my last post, I recently had one of those astronomical anomalies called a birthday which continues to push me somewhere beyond teenager and closer to old geezer. As one grows old, one can either become wiser or one can become more cynical. I choose to be more cynical cause it is a lot harder work pretending to be wise.

So here for your reading pleasure is my cynical take on some famous wise sayings.


"The first step is always the hardest"
LGS says, "This is hard to believe after watching people try to complete marathons. Those last steps seem pretty difficult too."

"Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours."
LGS says, "Just try to scratch my back and I'll have you up on sexual harassment charges."


"Make hay while the sun shines"
LGS says, "Make liquor at night and call it moonshine."

"There is no smoke without fire"
LGS says, "Then why does the smoke detector alarm go off sometimes even when there is no fire?"


"The early bird gets the worm"
LGS says, "And why would I want to get the worm? Eaughhh!"


"Many hands make light work."
LGS says, "Is this another way of asking how many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Give him an inch and he'll take a yard."
LGS says, "Maybe he gets confused between the metric and imperial systems. It happens."


"Two heads are better than one."
LGS says, "What strange world two-headed world do you live in?"


"Walls have ears."
LGS says, "So that's what they put into those WALLS sausages."


"What you don't know, can't hurt you."
LGS says, "Then why do they always ask you about those things in the exams?"


"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
LGS says, "Well, you certainly can't eat your cake if you don't have it! What is this all about?"


"There's a black sheep in every flock."
LGS says, "Isn't this an example of politically incorrect racial profiling?"


"Blood is thicker than water."
LGS says, "And maple syrup is thicker than blood. What is your point?"