1,000th Visitor – You May Already be a Winner!

on Monday, January 08, 2007

My, my, my. Sometime during the 8th of January 2007, just slightly under three months since this blog opened its pages to the world, it received its 1,000th visitor. Was it you? Did you drop in to find the counter saying “1,000 nuts collected for winter”? Then, it was you!

In Malaysia, such landmark events like being the 100,000th person to sit on the Kuala Lumpur new monorail might be celebrated with the award of a prize to that special person. It might even be a Kancil city car. Before you think that it’s a major windfall, you might want to check the car out.

Well, you know, I have no way of verifying whether you are that person. However, my post title could still be correct. You may already be a winner, having won something somewhere else but…. I cannot help you. Thanks for dropping by.

I am in the position of providing a “reward” to a different visitor. Over the last 2 weeks, my wife and I have laid in bed at night and when I wasn’t typing away on my laptop, we heard the cute sounds of the pitter-patter of little feet. It was when the owner of those “pitter-pattering” feet tried to build a nest behind our water cooler that we decided that this visitor had over-extended his visiting rights.

I refer to Rodney, a fine specimen of the Asian black rat (Rattus rattus domesticus) or the domestic rat. It is so called because it does little household chores like chewing through food containers, rubbish bags and steals tissue paper to tidy up its own nest. This is completely different from the habits of the Malaysian jungle rats, some of which can be as long as 2 feet. Jungle rats are not domesticated. They run wild. The jungle is their realm. They know where to find food in the unforgiving jungle. Of course if they can mug a naïve camper and relieve him of his dehydrated food packet or bags of rice, they have been known not to pass the opportunity by.

Why Rodney? Well, Rodney Rat sounds quite distinguished and I am sure we are not able to pronounce the name Mrs. Rat gave her enterprising son. Anyway, we laughed to ourselves when we evicted Rodney from our water cooler. We giggled when we evicted him from the laundry drawer and we smirked when we kicked him out of the boiler cupboard which he had elaborately padded with stolen tissue papers. However, patience was wearing thin when he began to poop all over the place (obviously not as domesticated as we would like). The last straw was when Rodney chewed his way into my junk food collection.

Question. In a taste choice test, which flavor would a rat chose? Pringle’s Traditional flavor or Pringle’s Sour Cream and Onion? Well Rodney chose the latter twice. This means something and is not just a comment on your personal choice of Pringle’s chips. Maybe Pringle’s could try the slogan, “ Sour Cream and Onions – because rats have more sensitive taste than us!”.

Okay, I told my wife. Rodney has to go. It’s him or me. She says, “That’s nice. It’s good you have a hobby other than blogging.” I begin to think she doesn’t believe I will go hunting for Rodney. Well, I don’t. Using my superior walnut-sized brain, I set a trap and get Rodney to come to me. MuHaHaHaHaHaHaHa! (Mad Scientist laugh, that is taught in the final year at University just before final exams).

Well. Mrs. Rat did not raise a bright one. Rodney is snug in my rat trap/cage contraption even as I type this. As I said earlier, it is time for Rodney to get his just rewards for the crime of pooping and choosing Sour Cream and Onions. Can you imagine the smell of his poop?

The Perp is behind Bars.
It’s been a long while since I’ve had to deal with a rodent like Rodney. Should it be the death penalty? Death by hanging, gassing or drowning. I know it can be humane to kill a lobster by putting it in the freezer but my wife is against the idea for Rodney. Or should we parole him on good behaviour? I’d like to hear your opinion.

Finally, Mr. or Ms. 1,000th visitor, please reveal yourself and I am sure I can find your just rewards too. MuHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!



10 comments:

Le Nightowl said...

I'm afraid I'm #1009, I missed the prize :(
However my reward is the reading of this hilarious post!
I loved the "MuHaHaHaHaHaHaHa! (Mad Scientist laugh, that is taught in the final year at University just before final exams)" bit... you have a wonderful sense of humour!
Well, as far as Rodney's concerned, I'm against death penalty, so I vote for ostracism.
Marie

daysgoby said...

Lobsters are (evolution-wise) one step up from cock-roaches. Their nervous systems are about the same. Put in the freezer, they will just...shut down. This is a great step before boiling them because they won't feel it.

Rodney, however, is too young and (sorry, girlie adjective here) cute to suffer for his selection of your lovely home and for falling in with your secret obsession for potato chips. Perhaps a relocation? Surely your home doesn't smell of sour cream and onion so strongly that you're afraid he'll find his way back?

(Image of LGS and lovely wife covered in fine potato dust springing to mind)

Or do you just not want to share??
Muhahahahaha indeed!!

I will wait with baited (yikes, a bad pun) breath to see what fate Rodney meets....

...Kat said...

I vote for release.... and far far away

Dave said...

Well, if you lived her in town, you could have shipped him off to my frind's son's bedroom where he has been sneaking rats in without his mom's permission. He now has two in a cage and is looking for a third... She did later find out but decided not to push the issue with him.

Another idea... You are a scientist right? ... Don't they do experiments on rats? (I am sure I will hear from the masses on that one! LOL

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Well, so far I've learnt that almost nobody cries during movies but they are all softies when it comes to rat disposal.

le nightowl,
Ostracism. Nice word. Haven't heard it used for a while. As for the laugh, you too can learn it.

daysgoby,
I know you mean well but now when I order lobster for dinner I will be thinking how (evolution-wise) I will be dining on super-cockroaches.

kat,
Another softie. Hmmm. Actually, if you would all donate to my retirement fund, I might be able to move far far away and leave Rodney alone.

Dave,
You are a brave man to raise the issue of animal experimenting. Like all scientists, I went through a phase when my supervisor refused to agree to my experiment proposals and ran from me screaming. Muhahahahaha!

Ellie said...

It is a good thing my mom wasn't around your house when Rodney appeared because she will take a broom and clobber at anything that moves until it doesn't move anymore. I just never had it in me to clobber anything!

I vote to let Rodney live.

Ellie

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Clobbering is my mothers MO too, as well as other methods of violence. I will be writig about that soon.

daysgoby said...

Nummy with lemon buttah!

(sorry, LGS!)

Poetikat said...

LGS, What DID happen to Rodney?
This is a really well-written and humourous post - I enjoyed it very much. I love your gradual change in reaction from laughing outright to merely smirking.
He looks very much like our Nathan. Do you think Nathan made his way from Malaysia perhaps? Might they be long-lost brothers, I wonder.

Thanks for directing me to this...off to read the other one now.

Kat

Poetikat said...

LGS, What DID happen to Rodney?
This is a really well-written and humourous post - I enjoyed it very much. I love your gradual change in reaction from laughing outright to merely smirking.
He looks very much like our Nathan. Do you think Nathan made his way from Malaysia perhaps? Might they be long-lost brothers, I wonder.

Thanks for directing me to this...off to read the other one now.

Kat

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin