Beware of the Squirrel ..........Please?

on Friday, July 13, 2007


Something funny happened to me recently. I haven't decided if this falls under the funny ha-ha or the funny peculiar category. However, it definately fits into the funny and darn embarassing category.

It was about the 5 things meme or Tag 5 as I called it, which I posted just previously. Meggie wanted to tag me for the meme and this is what she said, "Now, I am supposed to nominate 5 more I would like to do this meme.So here goes. No pressure!"

She then proceeds to nominate 5 bloggers of her choice and she named yours truly as No: 1. What a priveledge indeed!

Meggie then follows that up with the following, "I hope this is not an imposition. I was going to choose a man, as they can alway give a nice twist to the mix, but perhaps next time."

Uh, excuse me Meggie........ last time I checked ....... I'm still a male. Ooooooooo. This traumatic event, this challenge to my maleness has brought back terrible flashbacks from my youth. Meggie, if you read this post, you will learn why I was not entirely devastated..............I've had practice!

During my sensitive formative years of 6-10 years old, I had very few friends of my own age and because of my upbringing, I had rare opportunities to play with them. My sister who is 8 years older, on the other hand, was always having her friends over or going out with them. As she was frequently asked to keep an eye on me, it meant that often, I was thrusted upon their giggling sessions. Needless to say, she wasn't very happy about this. I soon learnt that it was less physically painful for me if I kept quiet and blended into the background. I kind of became an inanimate fixture and the girls became more at ease to be themselves and share their gossip even when I was around.

Having no macho comrades to rely on, my survival depended on going under the radar. This experience had no doubt given me certain skills and shaped my personality to a degree.

Try as I might, I continued to find myself the sole male in a company of women many times in my life. When I was first in the U.K. trying to do my A-levels, I was thousands of miles away from friends and family. A local family, the Sweetmen's, invited me to spend Sundays with them so that I could enjoy a family environment because otherwise I would spend my weekends alone in an empty dormitory. They were wonderful but the Sweetmen's had three daughters and no sons. As a result, my social education often focussed on the proper way to wear mascara or how to avoid getting runs in their stockings.

At university, it was the same. A combination of types of courses taken and housing locations often meant that socially, I hung out with a bunch of female nurses more than anyone else. When I first started work, I faced a four hour bus commute every day. Fortunately, someone offered to give me a ride in their carpool. I am sure that you had already guessed that I was the only male in the all-female carpool. Such was my priveledge and my fate to be in their company for about 2 -3 hours every working day for the next two years. These are just some examples.

There were obviously some advantages of being so readily excepted within these female circles. Pleaseant and pretty company is always good. Occasional homemade cookies are a nice bonus and there are many disadvantages too.

You might be wondering is this guy a whiner? Male readers might think I am being an ungrateful sod or that this situation is like Pooh Bear falling into a big vat of honey and complaining that its too sticky. Of course, few real men would actually admit about thinking about Pooh Bear but I digress.

I can share with you some of the disadvantages. High on the list is learning things that men have no business knowing. It's bad enough when they talk about their boyfriend problems but you really don't want to hear about female hygiene problems. It gets worse, I have had to fight nausea and passing out when they start giving a blow by blow account of their caesarian section ably illustrated by uncensored photos in full colour. Obviously, violent Hollywood movies have not desensitised me enough yet.

However, the very worse thing and the source of all my bad memories that this recent incident in blogland has resurrected is that you are accepted by them. How is that bad? Picture if you will a single, eligible young man. It does not matter if he is in his late teens or even his early thirties, he does not want to be accepted as one of the girls. No! No! No! That is so not right.

The problem with being accepted as one of the girls is that they no longer see you as a man but as a pal. This is like the death sentence to a young man trying to make an impression on the dating scene. He is putting himself 100 percent out there to send the message that he is all male and ready to rumble. He is the proud peacock flashing his testosterones in hope of attracting female company. What he does not need is having a new girl ask the rest of the girls who he is and to hear them reply, "Oh, him? Don't worry. Relax. It's just LGS. He's harmless."

"Harmless!?! What? Harmless!?! At this stage, you look around desperately to do something to try to convince the new girl that you are not harmless. "Hey, new girl. Beware! I'm dangerous! Yes, beware. Keep away because I am not harmless!"

But it is too late. The damage is done. It's like someone had plucked all the peacock's fine feathers and the nude bird is strutting around like a harmless fool.

Oooo. Let me tell you. That phrase "He's harmless" still gives me cold sweat.
So, beware of the squirrel.............please? Pretty please with honey on top?

21 comments:

geewits said...

Well, you know, you DID pick a squirrel as your "mascot."

leslie said...

Hey, I think that's one very scary attitudinal looking squirrel. I wouldn't want to make him mad. He just commands respect and admiration, doesn't he?

Becky Wolfe said...

hahahah - great tales from you past! Funny!

mago said...

Hahahaaa - Fine story!
Alone under women!

Squirrel said...

I don't know why but I thought your were married. Funny stories you scary brute of a Squirrel, you!

...Kat said...

don't ya know?....

still waters run deep

Finn said...

Dear Lone Gray Squirrel, I'm really sure Meggie meant no harm or disrespect. Probably she's just had an encounter with GOL, and was thinking "I'll pass on male opinions today". She's such a good soul.
I can say from my experience with gray squirrels, they are fiesty, strongly independent, opinionated, territorial, and totally self absorbed. I see no problem with mistaken gender likeness. Squirrels rule! Just ask my golden retreiver..*VBS* Silly boy, he thinks they are cats and should play with him.
All those extreme girl experiences just gave you more strength of character and contributed to understanding the opposite sex. Love the blog, Finn

Molly said...

Laughed at this the first time when meggie slipped up. And again at this agonising. And then I mis-read a word. So now I am trying to deal with pictures of you "trying to get nuns in their stockings" ??? Maybe it proves you're not just "one of the girls" but a masculine force to be reckoned with!

Lorraine said...

Dear Lgs, this is too good LOL a good soul always shines through, which makes you NOT dangerous. True, young and not so young women love the allure of the 'dangerous' male...until they wake up :)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

geewits,
Squirrels are actually plotting the conquest of the world. I read it in Dilbert so it must be true.

leslie,
Yes! Thank you.

becky,
Thanks. Remember squirrels are not harmless.

mago,
Exactly, alone under women. It is like doing deep undercover work for the police.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

squirrel,
You weren't wrong. I am married. Still hurts the ego to be called "harmless". Haha. My, you know how to flatter a squirrel.

kat,
Thank you for the vote of confidence. Yes, still water runs deep and may even have some crocodiles in it. Hahaha.

finn,
thanks for coming by and leaving a comment. Don't worry. I am just teasing my good friend, Meggie. As I said, a lifetime of training toughens you up! LoL. Hope you won't be a stranger.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

molly,
I think all you Catholic girls have "nuns" on your brain. Hahaha. Now you have me thinking about nuns and stockings. For the record it was "runs" in the stocking. "Runs" and not "nuns".
"Masculine force to be reckoned with". Ooooo, I like that.

Lorraine,
Kind words indeed but all ladies should know this as a service to all men, "don't call them harmless". You can almost hear the air escape as the ego deflates! LOL.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Oh my dear Squirrelly! We have so much in common! All of my friends are/were guys. And I had NO - zip, zero, nada - dates in high school. Recently my best friend said, 'oh yeah, I told the guys that I would beat the snot out of them if they took you out.' WHAT??

Anyway, I have a friend who says - it's who you know, not what you know, and I'm grateful to know you.

Janice Thomson said...

Too good Lgs! I'll be laughing at this for a while yet :) So even now after all these years you still get unnerved about being called harmless? Oh the shame of it all! LOL Love the pic as Mr Squirrel does indeed look like a force to be reckoned with.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

claudia,
Hahaha. I have to confess, I tend to be protective of my female friends and would probably have done something similar when i was younger! I am glad to know you too and am still hoping for good news on the bees. ;)

janice,
I can laugh at it myself now but it was rather painful when it actually happened. This post is a bit related to "I get no respect post". I might unearth that one again soon. Have a good weekend.

jmb said...

Thanks for the laugh. I'm glad that someone got past the barrier that classed you as a gal pal and saw you for the alpha male squirrel that you always were.

Top cat said...

This is so true. I've experienced this myself several, so I agree, watch out for the cat.:)
tc

mago said...

"It" changes the point of view fundamentaly. I have only an idea of how it works, mechanisms of power, as the only philosopher I found going in this direction put it, Michel Foucoult.
On the other hand one can understand the fascination of the simple explanations of the world, the order of the sexes, the creation ... simplicity is so seductive.

[It = the different point of view, the experience of "the other side" - damn language, it's difficult enough in german, nearly impossible in english.
A metaphor: Look in a mirror. Step through. Turn around and look back. BE a mirror.
It is all about perception.]

Sorry for this seemingly nonsensical comment. Reading (french) philosophy and having a not easy time, trying to find "points of view". I envy you the firmness of your belief - but have to read back.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

jmb,
Thanks. I'm glad to get out of the gal pal stage too.

TC,
But of course, beware of the cat!

mago,
It is simple to say that the "blueprints of life " is in our DNA. So simple. Yet to explain in detail, it is more than just a set of triplet codes. So I think life is simple in priciple but complex in details.

CS said...

That is really funny to me that someone thought you were a woman based on your blog. That never would have been my impression. I wonder if a lit of little brothers with big sisters don't get stuck in justthat situation? But, hey, did you notice that 4 of your 5 picks for the schmoozer award were women?

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

cs,
yes it was funny ....embarassing! About the ratio of male to female bloggers in my schmoozers' list, it's because I don't know that many male bloggers. And from the handful that I know, the majority have already been nominated already. Even TC has been double nominated. I need to meet men. Okay, I know that last sentence is going to cause a lot of havoc. LoL.

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